who is responsible for my actions

The man in the uniform told her, “there was no response from you, and I don’t like hanging my words in the air, so I deleted my message.”

She replied, “Words are strong enough to stand alone or hang in the air. We, humans, are the ones who are afraid of being alone. But, only a few dare to walk alone in this crowded world, and I am one of them.”

The man told her,” why do I feel pain in your words and dejection in your mind. You talk with deep meaning. I want to know what happened to you.”

She looked at his uniform, and mixed feelings of anger, pain, and love started swirling into her mind. The uniform is very similar to her bubby’s, decorated with many medals. She observed his uniform very clearly. His ranks tell the woman that he seems superior to her bubby.

She told him clearly, “No, I can’t share my pain with you. However, I describe my pain in words, so feel free to read it on my blog.”

The man asked her, “why can’t you tell me your pain?”

The woman decided not to answer the man and told him, “I don’t trust people with the uniform. I hate this uniform.”

The officer asked her, “Why are you so dejected? Why are you so rude?

The woman smiled and told him, “ask DGP; how rude I could be. If I can use all shitty words, including “F—K yourself to your top boss, you can estimate my rudeness and dejection level.”

She started to drive until she reached the mosque. She was full of anger, and she must have expressed her anger toward someone. She thought, “Who could be more perfect than Allah to express my anger.”

As usual, she did not enter the mosque. Instead, her feet automatically stopped at the doorstep of the mosque. She asked Allah, “why are you hiding him behind you? Have you forgiven him for his crime? If so, I need an answer now. Do you always forgive the sinners and stingers?  Isn’t that why they continue to commit the crime because they know well that you forgive them. Do you know that is the reason why they continue to hurt others? If you stop forgiving them, they won’t commit the crime. Haven’t you read my last letter carefully. Where is the man who promised me that he would never go away from me? Where is he now? Are you teaching your people how to run away? are you teaching them that you are very merciful and forgive you if you praise me or pray for me? What was my fault? Does this count as a fault in your courtroom if someone speaks the truth? I won’t ask anybody, and nobody owes me a response except you and my beloved hubby. You are the witness of my love, then why have you separated him from me. My beloved bubby knows how much I love him, but he still runs away? He is hiding behind you. Because of him, I have lost my long-term faith in you. I will let you decide who is responsible? If speaking the truth is sin, I am responsible. If running away like a cowardly person, then you and my beloved man are responsible. If using someone like a puppet, you and my sis are responsible. You and my beloved man are responsible for my pain and current condition. My faith in you has brought me into this condition. Do you still want me to worship you?? I don’t come inside the mosque because your man has left me on your doorstep, and I refuse to enter the mosque without him, so don’t blame me. The rest is a mystery to the world but not to you.”

In the end, the woman cleans her tears, and she starts driving while crying hysterically.

2 thoughts on “who is responsible for my actions

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