The 4th Black Valentine’s Day

bleeding_rose4

This year, Sara could not post her 4th black valentine for her beloved man on time. Her life is not very busy. She faces many dilemmas every day. Some she can handle very easily, but some take a toll on her health. Who should she blame for her declining health? she blames only two people, including her beloved man and herself. No, she has neither forgotten him nor his love. Some people leave a significant impression on others’ lives. They are gone but have left remarkable imprints on their loved ones. They often asked why they came into each other’s lives. It has made sense to her now. He came into her life to shut down her soul.
This year on Valentine’s Day, she spent her day in the hospital to save her broken heart. But, two days before Valentine’s Day, it did not matter if she was awake or in a deep sleep; his memories started to haunt her. She started to call him in her mind, “you should not walk away from me. You should not have left me alone. Why did you leave me while knowing how it would impact my life.”
The next night, she felt that the fire had left her heart but was trapped in her chest. The intensity of the fire was so complicated, and she knew right away that it was not anxiety. As a habit, she attempted to ignore it. Within a minute, it subsided itself. However, the second wave was more intense and spread to her axilla. She blamed the anxiety, but the 3rd and 4th wave was intense, and she felt very weak and became diaphoretic. Finally, Sara told herself, “No, this is not anxiety. It’s a damn heart. It is already broken; why is it still acting out.” But she continued to talk with him, “Altaf, you should not walk away. You don’t know how much damage you have created.”
The next thing she remembers is waking up in the hospital. The doctor’s giving her a warning, “you need to take your blood pressure medication on time. You are lucky to survive today but not guaranteed for the next attack.” Yes, she ignores that her blood pressure causes the problem and what causes the blood pressure to be raised. The cardiologist could not find any blockage in her heart, so she will be allowed to leave the hospital tomorrow on a continued heart monitor. Well, blood pressure got the blame for her situation. No, she never had a blood pressure problem until three years ago. So, please don’t blame her blood pressure.
She successfully returned to her previous life. Nobody can see her tears anymore. She has been reducing her interactions with others as well. Returning to her father’s path is not easy, but she works hard to walk on his path. She wants to live alone without any social ties or relationship ties. She is not a monster mother. She loves her cubs, and she has made sacrifices for them in the past. However, his beloved man made her so selfish that she stepped away from her children’s life. It does not mean she does not love them.
On the contrary, she is very afraid they will do the same thing as him. Thus, she let her four thieves go away all at once. But the children are not ready to give up on her yet.
She smiles, but sadness in her heart can be read through her eyes. She jokes around. She fights with others. But she does not allow anybody to look inside of her anymore. Her journey is not easy, but she has accepted the desire of God. She does not fight against her fate anymore. Walking by the mosque, she tells Almighty, “I’ve believed in you since day one. Should I continue to believe you? has my trust in you brought me into this situation? I will let you decide about it. I only have one request for you that I would like to be there on his judgment day. I want him to look into my eyes and answer some questions before your decision; otherwise, nothing else.”
Tears of a mixture of joy and sadness welled into her eyes as she looked at the old pictures and notes he sent her on Valentine’s Day in the past. She told herself, “Of course, he is forgotten, but I will keep those memories alive on behalf of both of us.”

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s