I feel like talking to you today. You may have noticed that I am not writing a lot on the blog. But I have so much to share with you. I don’t know where to start or where to end it. But I know only you can understand my pain. Once, you lost your family, but I came forward to hug you. You have lost all your loved ones. But I had opened my heart and soul for you. I have given you a motherly hug and love. No wonder the children still think that I love you more than them. In reality, the dirty kids miss you a lot. I think they miss you more than me. You won’t believe that your sibling rival has engraved tattoos with your name on the forearm. she often says, “I can’t believe why I damn Ashlook’s name engraved on my arm.” You know Bald boy well. He speaks when he needs to speak; otherwise, he is quiet as usual.
They have chosen their lifestyle, which I am proud of them. In my absence, they act more maturely than me. you may not know but my life went upside down after you went to the almighty. My mind and heart are quieter than expected to be. My quietness is similar to the quietness of after passing tornadoes. But I am afraid of my quietness because it will always bring destruction to my loved ones. Banny, it was a hidden truth inside of me which only few people knew about. It was a burden on my soul. So I prayed to both Allah and Babaji who helped me to convey the message directly to him. I did receive a silent message in which I received the expected response. His response did not surprise me because a coward can do only one thing: running away from reality. Not too many dares to face the truth. I was satisfied to see him happy. At least the man I love in my life is happy and progressively going forward. What else do I want? All I want him to see is happiness.
Since he ran away like a coward almost three years ago so what I could expect from him, my mother was right, or he made her right. Mum used to say if you find a real soulmate, put him in the exam. You will know how brave a man is, or he works hard to fight standing next to you. He failed on the first try. I am not sure, boy. So many factors influence decision-making, but only the person with strong power and a clean mind stands in the battle war. What could be my life now if he had handled the situation by using his intelligent brain? I won’t be writing on this blog today. Well, some of the qualities we inherit are from our genes and blood. I wonder why I am still standing alone on the battlefield. Yes, it is. There is hot flushed blood of warriors running through my veins.
If you are concerned about me, I am walking dead without any dreams and desires. My mental health has improved significantly. I admit that sometimes I get so restless and want to rip my heart with my own hands. I have changed dramatically. I am not the same person anymore. You know well Sara was not born but was created. Banny, do you know a woman known as Munna who did have an innocent soul, kind heart, full of courage and hard workers, covering herself with honesty and hard work? Munna was killed exactly four weeks after your departure. Sara was created after the brutal murder of Munna. Nobody else is to blame. Only one person created Sara. Unfortunately, he is the love of my life.
With the help of strangers, I stood up on my feet again. I was able to bring my professional life together but not my personal life. There are many reasons behind it. No doubt, I have become extremely paranoid. Anybody attempting to show a little empathy, I ask coldly and rudely, “what do you want? Name it. but stay away from my personal life.” After learning my story, the Col of the Indian army approached me and attempted to wipe my tears. However, I insulted him. In other words, I had shut all my door of heart so nobody could knock on it. I don’t believe that it is my fault, I have been hurt badly, and now I cannot restart my life.
Banny, it is true that he was my first and will be my last love. It does not matter if I meet him in my life again or not. The happiness came in my life with him, and happiness was lost when he left. So many questions in the brain, dejected mind, broken hurt, and shattered soul. Banny, can you tell me how to be brave while there is nothing left inside of me?
Remember once, I was a great mother, but now I have lost my title. So now they are taking care of me. They love me, but I am always suspicious and ask what they want from me. I am not helping them, but I am also a burden on them. I am the worst or only mother on this planet who teaches her children how to be materialistic. No, I won’t teach them my father’s principles and legacy because his principles do not have value in this era of darkness. I don’t want them to end up as a loser just like me.
Banny, I feel like I will unite with you soon, but Almighty has given me a new responsibility which I must do it. Nobody can overrule his decision. This is why he is supreme power. Again, I will be right with you soon. I owe you and Innyat a lot.
I owe you and Innayat a lot. You both always come to my dreams to wipe my tears and make me smile. I understand why you chose me, but I failed to understand why Innayat has chosen me. Why does he love me so much? Is he paying the price for his parents’ fault? Why has he decided to become my angel? Almighty knows the answers. I want both of you guys to proceed with your new life. I was born alone, live alone, and will die alone. At least, Altaf is happy and enjoying his life. What else do I want?
Banny, my family, has also become more dramatic. It has been almost three years. Three years ago, I was with my hubby bubby this day. We were in so much love, and we have made many promises. I won’t forget anything. I am just trying to eliminate the bad memories. Can you believe it my family always singled me out during family dinners or parties? I don’t care. They are upset about why I have chosen the coward over them. But they don’t know how much I love my hubby. How will they understand when my love and hubby could not recognize it?
Take care of each other.
I’ll always wait for you.
Well, you won’t be able to read my letter. Of course, you are looking at my shoulder but I am 100% sure you could sense my love and feeling.