No, her name is not Margo. I am trying to protect her real identity. Not everyone is like you or me, so people like to judge someone without knowing the other side of the picture. No, not all the time that our facial expressions represent our emotions or inside pain or happiness. I failed to control my emotions. I was able to control it in the past. when I repeatedly suffered from physical and emotional trauma in the past. I was able to hide my emotional pain with my beautiful smile. I used to give this credit to my pain whenever someone had praised my smile. However, he and I knew I could break into many pieces if we got separated. Damn, that was so right.
However, Margo always succeeded in hiding her emotions. Nobody knew the secret behind her charming personality. She is a registered nurse. You can always find her smiling. I have never seen anybody happy like her. She has been working with me for the past two years now. I’ve never seen her in a low mode. She is a new nurse, so she is not qualified to work in the critical area yet. However, I had a couple of interactions with her. I can speak and understand Spanish but I’m not an expert enough to understand it well. So, Margo always helps me with interpretation.
First, I thought she had taken some school credit and college-level Spanish classes but I was wrong. Neither Margo is Hispanic, nor she had taken Spanish as a second language in school.
Margo is currently pregnant. She is almost 40 years old. This is her first pregnancy which was also not planned. In the past, many times, she said hello to me but we never had an open conversation. Most of the time, I am busy dictating. In my free time, I keep myself busy playing computer games rather than talking to others.
One day, I was playing solitaire alone when Margo stopped to talk with me.
Margo said, “I am tired of peeing every other minute. I am ready to deliver the baby now, but the doctor said another few weeks to wait.”
I told her, “Yes, I can feel your pain because I went through the same as you. The baby may be kicking your bladder.”
I asked her if she was ready for the baby. She sat next to me and said, “I don’t know how I will manage it being a single mother.”
I asked her, “Where is your family? Where is the father of your expected child?”
Margo said, “My family lives in Texas, and my mother will come right away when it is time. I have lots of friends and two sisters. Their kids are grown up, so they are eagerly waiting for my girl.”
I felt Margo still felt so scared. I told her, “Hey. if I can raise mine alone, you can raise the baby just like a champion. I think you will do a better job than me with the help of friends and family.”
I could sense that Margo still wanted to talk with me. She said, “I am scared because my childhood was not good. That is why I never wanted to have children”. Her pregnancy was not preplanned, but she doesn’t believe in abortion either.
Margo’s so-called boyfriend disappeared as he heard about the pregnancy. Well, this is not something new to me. It was Margo’s day to bring her feelings inside out. Maybe she thought I was the best person to share.
Margo is the youngest of her four siblings. They are four sisters. She was four years old when her father disappeared from their life. Her mother worked double shifts to raise her daughters.
Maro said, “In the absence of my parents, I made some wrong choices. I spent my childhood sleeping on a Hispanic friend’s couch. They treated me well. I learned Spanish from them. Still, they are my second family. However, due to the lack of appropriate care, I went in the wrong direction. I got addicted to alcohol and drugs.”
Margo didn’t feel ashamed or sorry for sharing her negative life. Margo also spent some time in Juvie. When she was doing her time in Juvie, she graduated from high school. After her time in juvie and rehab, her mother, sisters, and friends supported her. Later, she relapsed many times.
At the age of 22, Margo overdosed on Heroin and she spent two weeks on life support machines. This event was life-changing for her. She has been clean for 18 years now. She graduated from nursing school. But she never wanted a family for herself. She was afraid of how her life had been dysfunctional.
Later, she became a role model for drug addicts. Now, she talks to the children with drug problems and always tries to help them out.
No, I have not seen a drop of tears in her eyes when she told me about her rape, physical and mental abuse, sleeping hungry without food when she was a child. All I saw was her face shining, Why not, after all she is a winner and survivor. I tried looking deeply into her eyes to see if her pain was hidden deeper in her heart. No, I couldn’t find anything.
My childhood was wonderful. Those years which I had spent with my hubby were the great years of my life. When he left, I failed. In the beginning, I drank a lot of alcohol, but Almighty has given me a chance to get up before it worsened. Still, tears come into my eyes whenever his name comes. After listening to Margo, I felt my pain was nothing in front of her.
I told her, “Margo, I salute you. I will always be here for you if you need me or need any help. you can count on me,”
I said those words to her. Later I thought, “Am I capable of helping her? She is thousands of times stronger than me.” However, Margo’s story has given me some strength. I cannot become stronger than her or just like her, but I will try my best.