While sitting in the hotel room, she looked at the walls carefully, then she stared at the roof and then both windows. Nothing is the same. The color of the walls is white, and there is no portrait of Banny or her loving man. The curtains on both windows are down. Nobody can see inside, and she can not see anybody. The fridge is empty except for a few bottles of water and Gatorades. While sitting on the sofa, she continued to stare at the room. There is a TV in the corner that she hasn’t turned on yet because she is in no mood to watch cry movies or listen to the depressing news. Her own life is no less than a drama or Bollywood movie. No, she never comes out of the room unless she needs to go to work. She does not like to open the curtains either.
She looks around. She stares at the coffee maker. She got up and hid the coffeemaker because he loved making coffees for her. Will it help to wipe out the old memories if she hid out the coffee maker? She loves living in this place now. Sometimes to reach here, she drives her car at 100 mph while the speed limit is 70, or you can also find her driving 45 miles on 75 miles speed limit road. You won’t be surprised if you find her driving to a different state to arrive at her final destination. Only the car knows the situation of its driver, but the car is speechless.
Well, once she loved her home. But now home is not home anymore. Her favorite light coffee ground color of the walls reminds her of the color of her beloved one. Each corner of the house is imprinted with his prints. She finds him in the closet, bed, sitting on the bar chair in the kitchen, or reading his book. Sometimes she finds him sitting on the matrix watching TV, and Banny would try sitting next to him. Sometimes he sat in the formal room, and Banny did his best sitting next to him and tried to claim his territory by telling him, “I am the boy of the house. This is my sofa.” Both of them may have planned to kill each other because both of them were possessive to the Lady. Now both have left her behind.
The memories are still there, but sometimes she tries to run away from the memories, and other times she embraces them. Well, she hated to stay in the hotel alone. She often used to leave in the middle of the night after a company meeting, even though her rooms were reserved, but she never chose to stay overnight. Instead, she had chosen to drive back home while talking to him. She chose to talk to him instead of playing games with her coworkers. He always told her, Munna, I am proud of you”.
Now he hates the same Munna. It is not the same home anymore, so why would she stay there? She hated to stay in the hotel. Sometimes she could not make it on the last flight to her final destination. She hated to stay alone without him. Once, she cried like a baby at the airport because she had missed her last flight. He could not tolerate the tears in her eyes and left everything behind to be with her. No, he never allowed anybody to pick her up or drop her at the airport. Instead, he always made his way to meet her.
Well, she still looks at the phone every morning, but there is no message from all his different phones, “Munna, good morning. I love you, Munna.” Neither she nor he slept without endlessly talking with each other. In other words, their day used to start and end with each other. They talked for many hours, but still, they never felt satisfied. They always wanted to talk more. There are no 7 or 3 clock calls anymore. He forgot her, but she could not forget him. She writes him a message every day.
She loves everything which belongs to him, or he touched it, but now sometimes she gets sad to see those things around her and tries to hide them, but the next day, she finds them again and takes care of them. No, she does not love those materialistic things but she loved them because he got them for her. He bought those things for her. She feels his love and affection in that materialism. Suddenly, some things come into her mind; she laughs, which is empty. She gets scared from her laughing because it is empty. The emptiness is scarier compared to the bomb blast. Only she feels fear and sadness when she feels her empty soul, smiles, and heart. However, she learned how to survive even if it is painful.
Who is responsible for her pain? She is responsible because she dropped the ball when had spoken the truth. He failed to catch the ball when it was dropped into his court, and he allowed others to play with it, including the bullies and the emotional abuse of his loving woman. Nobody brought the ball into the right court. Thus including her, many others are responsible for this. However, he is more responsible for her pain than everyone else.
The human is the culprit of another human, and the woman is the enemy of other women. They cannot understand the pain of other women other than who the hell would provide justice. She is waiting for her brother’s call, which doubts it will never come because he is also afraid. Suddenly she thinks, where is my brother? She will never see him again. She has left many things behind and has no desire to get anything else. She feels exhausted and completely drained out. She does not have answers to many questions, and she doesn’t feel like getting those answers. He is gone but still here. Life plays some strange jokes with humans. Humans become just puppets of karma or life.
Sometimes, sadness embraces her soul so deeply. She prays to both her Babaji and Allah, “Nothing left in me. My soul is drained out, which feels very cold and dead. Both my mind and heart are fireless. I need to ignite the fire, which I don’t have. There is nothing left in me which you need to protect or save. Please help someone else who is more in need of your help.” The next morning, she wakes and asks almighty, “Sorry for the last night. Would you mind helping me get through this day? I need your help. Can you be kind enough to hold my finger so I can get through this long day? ” Her life ends and starts at the same point every day. She always finds a way to help herself while trying to help others. Neither she nor the almighty knows why she still breathes.