Dear Separated Soul,
People often say, “Everything is fair in love and war.” Not sure if people are right or wrong. But you were absolutely right that I would be lost without you. Everybody says, “forget him. Forget your past. Embrace the future.” But how could I do it? Is it easy for me to forget each moment I spent with you and without you? Many people, including you, think, “how stupid I am.” Am I really stupid? Only one person knows that well. That person is you. I have an old habit of seeing how much a person could go down and how someone willing to sell their own conscience. I also have a bad habit of seeing how much a person values their conscience. Nobody else knows me better than you. Nobody knows you better than me. We were made for each other from heaven. God never makes everybody perfect or flawless. He keeps something lesser in everybody; otherwise, who will respect or be afraid of him.
I always called you a coward because you did not take responsibility for your actions. Instead of taking responsibility for your actions, you attempted to prove yourself innocent. have you ever thought about how your actions have affected others? Maybe not. I am also a coward because I always refuse to accept reality. I refuse to accept that my bravo man could be so weak. I refuse to accept that my genius man could be so helpless that he has also made me helpless. I refuse to accept the fact that my love was so weak, which broke with one tiny shake. I am also a coward because I do not let my love go away. I am not brave anymore. The brave part of me was killed since you were gone. I am a coward who is afraid to accept reality. Thus both of us are cowards. Your cowardice has created cowardice in me.
I have started to lie like you. I lie to keep my love alive. Everybody asks me about you, and I always say, “He is doing perfectly fine, or I spoke with him last night, or we are together again, or we are made for each other. He was just here. Blah blah etc. The truth is, I don’t want anybody to say anything wrong with my divine love.
Now you decide who could be a bigger liar and coward than me. Does anybody care who created this biggest liar or cowardly person on this earth?
People often ask me why I write him openly or insult him. None of them know what the reality is. None of them knows how you had taken my rights away. Neither am I ready to explain or clarify to anybody. Certain secrets will go with me in the grave.
I often try to look for you, but I return right away back into my cave. I hide my tears behind my smiles or jokes. I am becoming an expert in hiding my pain. However, I could not become an expert in forgetting you. Every moment, I remember you. Most of those moments are painful. I feel more pain when I remember your extreme love for me or those adorable moments we spent together. It hurts less than those memories when I remember I left without saying goodbye to you. You were hidden in the prison when I had left. It hurt a lot that you could not smell my scent when I was standing next to you.
Love is divine. The physical relationship or distance does not have any meaning in divine love. Only lust or attraction can be lost with distance but not true love. No, you won’t understand the meaning of this. To understand the meaning of divinity, the person must raise higher than his or her conscience, which is not a cup of tea for everyone.
I am your creation, so I try my best to be just like you. Please bear with me. I will catch up with you and your expectations one day, dearly departed soul.
Once I was a different person who would rather die instead of asking anything from anybody except God. Then, you changed me, and I had become a beggar for a while. I started to beg for my love. Believe me, from everybody, I had begged for you. I begged from a God, humans, rich, and poor. I begged to see you and just wanted to convey my message to you. But I quickly realized that I was begging from the beggars. Thus, I have stopped begging.
Before meeting you, I used to chase you in my dreams. After you have gone, you still come into my dreams, but I don’t chase you anymore. Isn’t it very strange? The pain has become chronic but still in the same intensity.
Look at the picture carefully. Zoom and Zoom like you used to do it. Look at the left eye. Compare it with the one with the right eye. You will see signs of stroke. It is improving slowly but still there. Do you know who is responsible for this? Look around to find the responsible person but don’t forget to use your inner eye; otherwise, you won’t able to see it.
Do you know sometimes people ask strange questions about who I worship: Allah or Babaji? I smile because I worship and respect everybody. When I go to sleep, I sleep in the middle of the bed, one side is Allah, and one side Babaji protects me. I sleep below their feet. I talk with them until I go to sleep. I don’t know how to pray, but I don’t know how to act either. I ask for their help directly. Believe me. They keep me strong.
I don’t dare to replace you or Banny boy. I won’t lie. I thought and tried replacing both of you but could not.
This is me whom you loved most once. Now, I don’t like to be loved. What a strange story of life. How could someone say that relationships or love are not made in heaven? Mirza Sahiba/Heer Ranja was not only born in the old century. They are born at this age, too, but they are known as insane.
Talk to you soon.