I received a text message from my eldest son, whom I often call my bald boy. Many of you know that my son and I grew up together. The text message was about my four-legged boy, “Bunny,” that left us two years ago.
The bald boy wrote, “Mommy, what could have our life today if our Banny boy were still alive? Life could be just as we were or maybe even better.”
Well. I’m not sure if my luck or destiny had stuck in my dog’s heart. Shortly after, when Banny boy was gone to the almighty, my personal life was turned upside down. Everybody knows well that I lost everything. I needed to separate my kids because of my mental state at the time. I never wanted them to see me breaking up badly. However, I have raised a gentleman and a beautiful daughter. I did not reply to his text message. I don’t remember parking a car in front of their aunt’s home. The children have been living there for over 1-5 years now.
When I had a major mental health breakdown, my two beautiful children had to leave the house. With the blessing of the Almighty, three beautiful children have returned home with their nanny. Of course, older children are well aware that their mother is physically present, but they also know that she died emotionally a long time ago. They trust their mother, but does the mother trust them? The toddler is still less than two years old – all he wants is to play and cruise around the house. Yes, we will never be the same.
My blog was in private mode for a while as I had undergone major brain surgery. Insha Allah, everything is fine. The prayers of the Church, Lady Nora, Maulanaji, and the father of my hospital church helped me a lot during this surgery. I am recovering well and returning to military boot camp in the next two months to improve my physical and mental health. The second reason I kept the blog private was to keep my pain and suffering to myself. Not sharing with others and keeping everything inside my mind started to affect my mental health again. Anyway, it depends on my readers and colleagues if they are willing to read the same thing repeatedly.
I have met many people via social media or phone during the last two years. After listening to misery and pain, they always gave me the silent treatment. Believe me, I have learned a lot from their silent treatment. When I resisted migrating to the USA, I still remember what my mum had said: “To survive in India, a person should have at least two things: power and money. I can give you money but not power. The person can buy the power, but your father’s principles will be an obstacle for you to buy power.” Many of them have proven her statement right.
I have assumed my duty back. The physical wounds are being fixed and healed, but the emotional wounds are still open. Thank you, my dear blogger friends, for always being non-judgmental. I will try my best not to repeatedly write about my shattered soul. My 2021 goal is to change my lifestyle, and I have started to work on it.
My Banny boy is in heaven now because he was more loyal than humans. He often visits me in dreams. He is dead, but he still lives in our hearts.