Her inner sadness has gotten worse over the last few days. She loses the desire to communicate with others. Now, she likes to be non-vocal. However, she never forgets to write. She speaks in her own words. Her lips are sealed. Now, some people around her start worrying about her condition, but she has become fearless and careless. “I don’t need to talk to anyone. I’m not me anymore. Sara has finally managed to kill Munna. I’ve been slowly losing myself every day, but no one has a clue about it.”
Her eyes filled with tears when she suddenly thought, “Those people are not stupid. They may have got a clue about it, but they didn’t care. Everyone is gone; no one is left.”
She felt like she was going to drown in tears. Suddenly there was a gleam on her face when she remembers something. Once upon a time, she landed at the airport. The airport was so crowded. She was in a country where hardly anyone knows about personal space. She did not like to travel alone. There was no fear in her mind that day. She stood there for a few minutes after picking up her luggage. She looked around, and a big smile appeared on her face.
She recognized him in the thousands. He was standing in the middle of the airport surrounded by some bodyguards. He had the same glasses on his eyes. He didn’t see her, so he started calling her. Sometimes she laughed, remembering that, “Don’t you know a foreigner’s phone automatically shuts off on this land?”
She was standing in front of him. She looked at him. His head was down looking at the phone. She smiled at him, but he was too busy writing to her. He didn’t notice, but the bodyguards around him smiled. She circled him, then she was standing right behind him. She smiled again. She watched him carefully. She was always happy to see him. She always felt herself being in heaven whenever she talked to him. She always felt very safe and secure in his presence. She often thought that no one could touch her in his presence.
He was her dream and desire. He was her life and prosperity. He was her final destination and satisfaction. In other words, she knows how important he is to her. That’s why she loves all that is his. She stood for a few minutes to just adore him. At first, she thought of covering both his eyes with her hands and asking, “Tell me who I am.” She had become a child again, but suddenly she thoughts, “Oh my gosh, he will recognize my voice. I’m silly.”
She looked around. It wasn’t America. The culture is different here. So, she slowly tapped on his right shoulder. She looked at him. She could see the gleam in his eyes. He looked very happy and excited. She often smiles at the recollection of past memories because he didn’t offer to pick up her luggage until they got close to the car. She later told him, “Seriously, bubby.” Yes, he was in a different country where people work according to their profession and status.
Later, they often shared this story with each other. They were very close to each other. They were no strangers. They lived apart, but their thoughts and spirits were always together. They both felt the same way all the time. At the local airport, he was a different person because everyone knew him. He was a different person when he was alone with her. He was always very open-minded at Delhi or O’Hara Airport. He always hugged and kissed her in public. She was the more shy type, but he was more modern compare to her.
The two often had counted the downtime whenever they had visited each other again. They always started counting the time, even though they were not separated from each other yet. Their counting had started with months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, and seconds. Now, he went in a different direction. She is still sitting in the same place with the same feeling. She still doesn’t forget to count. However, she continues to count, but her numbers go in a different direction. Now her counting starts with an infinite number of seconds, minutes, days, weeks, months, and years.
She founds his old emails yesterday that he had written to her a long time ago. After reading those emails, she thinks, “Why don’t I change like that? Why has the dark sadness covered my soul and brain? Why can’t I find myself inside of me? Has he really killed me, or have I killed him?”
She grabbed a pair of scissors and cut her growing hair. No one is alive to see her anger or rebellious behavior. Once she had grown her hair because he had insisted on her, she could not manage her long hair, so he combed her hair. She remembers the exact place. She remembers how he combed her hair and how she felt about it. It was a feeling of love and affection that has no words to describe her unique experience. She no longer drinks coffee at the hotel because he is not here to make it for her. In her nomadic life, she travels a lot. Only she knows how much she misses him when she packs or unpacks her things. He always did it for her. Now, she takes care of what kind of clothes she wears because he won’t be there to cover her. She remembers how he fed her with his hands. She didn’t eat God knew for how many days. The clouds of darkness were still all over his head. But, he managed to visit her, so he could feed her. Now, she often gets confused about if deads died again?
She looks inside, and she doesn’t recognize herself. She did not know how much she loves him. If she knew a little bit, she would be in such pain or agony without him. She doubts that she would have spoken against him. How could he not recognized that she never raised her voice in front of him, and how she could have done it now. She thinks, “It doesn’t matter anymore. Humanity is dead. People have become selfish. The world has a problem of its own. Who cares if my world is on fire? I’m dead. My bubby is dead.”
She continues to lose her mind, but she doesn’t forget her responsibilities. She handed the file to her little girl and said, “There’s everything you need to know about it. Remember, just love yourself. Don’t follow my steps. Neither follows me professionally nor personally. Be wise.”
Coming back, she again deceived herself, “Well, since my doll started to talk, she never has called me mom or mommy. Somehow, she always called me ‘My Lady’.”
Does a word or a relationship make a difference in feelings? He has a lot of questions in her mind. Every day a new question increases her curiosity.
Sometimes she thinks, “Can my brain be mute just like my voice is continuing to give up day by day.”
Abu tried several times, “Munna, can you be quiet for a few seconds?” She always had started to cry immediately. “You’re not good anymore. You are a bad boy. ” Now, she laughs, “Abu, look, my bubby made me mute forever.”
She looks at her hands, “What will happen if my hand also stops writing? How I will convey my message to him. Do I have to find another pond?”