A letter to a lost soul

 

The lost soul was once hers. She always knew what he used to think because he was a part of her. She often thinks,” I was your shadow if you were a body. I was the life if you were the heart. I was the part of your soul, which you used to have once. I was the eyesight if you were the eye. Today, I am trying to find myself inside of me, but it makes me sad when I find a different person living inside of me. I remember once you had written to me with a fountain pen that “I want you to see this world through my eyes.” Of course, I have seen this world through your eyes, which is so awful.

Our soul has divided into two parts. One part of the soul has died while another part of it has lost in this materialistic world. One part of the soul has chosen a different path, while another part is still trying to find the lost part of the soul. Does anybody has seen the dead soul awaken? However, her dead part of the soul tries time to time shake the lost soul. Today, the dead soul couldn’t stop herself to write some words to her lost soul.

My dear lost part of my soul,
people often told me to replace you because you are toxic and have killed my soul ( dead part of the soul). But, I always refused to replace you because you still live inside my heart. Your name is all over my heart and brain. You have complete control over me. It won’t be justice to any other soul. Yes, I am right that our relationship is like a shadow and body because you always stay with me. It doesn’t matter wherever I go, but you never forget to tag along with me. I can still feel your presence around me. So, how could I feel alone? There is no nanosecond when I ever have forgotten you.

Breaking off relationships is not uncommon, but a gentleman always does the proper burial of the relationship. No, you did not break our relationship. How could you do the proper burial of our relationship because you never want to end it? I am not concerned about it either. Do you know what hurt me the most? You knew well how much I had suffered in my life. You knew well how much I fought back without losing my dignity and self-esteem. You knew well that your separation would make me insane. Once, you saluted me for my battle with life, and later you have decided to leave me in the battle to die alone. I am still alive if you think taking a breath calls being alive.

This life is so short. I will be on my way to visit Abu because neither my mum nor you are alive to stop me anymore to visit him. I need to pay tribute to him and apologize to him. I need to tell him, “Not every Khan or Pathan is brave like him. Not each Khan could keep the words like him. Not every Muslim could be like him. He deserves to know the truth of how great he was. He is dead, but his great soul still protects me, and he shines on the sky as a shining star.

Yes, I am not a coward who will visit the valley hiding from others. I am not like you to hiding yourself in the cave and afraid to face the woman whom once you loved a lot or still do love her. You used to start and end your day after listening to my voice. I wonder how do you start your day now. I remember what someone had told  me during my last visit to the valley, “what people would think when they would come to know his relationship with a non-muslim woman.” I am not sure if your love did have lust in it, but mine was pure like a crystal and divinity. What people think is not the matter anymore because you have become a permanent part of me. Anybody search for Sara A Khan, we appear together as a sweet and beautiful couple.

Love without lust is divine, which won’t bring any destruction. You have gotten your promotion, and you have gotten your gallantry award again. So, you cannot blame our love caused any destruction in your life. I am glad that my dead soul has brought some happiness to my lost part of the soul.

Although, I have become emotionally weak, but my love is still so strong, though. You missed your opportunity to kill me in the past, but you have a great chance now. I went through hell for the past 1.6 months, which has made me so careless and fearless. I am not sure what has happened to another many Sara. Well, your family may have an answer for you. My dear lost soul, please don’t blame me for disgracing you publically. I was just a puppet, and somebody else has pulled the string. It happens when we play with somebody’s innocent feelings. The stringer was a very talented person, so got succeeded in killing my soul. However, nobody is powerful than the Almighty. Nobody could hide the truth. We are physically apart, but Almighty has kept us together forever. Almighty has shown justice in his unique way.

I am not sure what you were doing when people were bullying me over the phone, especially while I was at work. It happened right under your nose. Many times, you have made a promise to protect me, which you had failed. However, you still protect me indirectly.

I love talking to people now, but I don’t trust them. But I don’t mind kicking them out of my life because of you. I have learned many things from you: Distrust, sources, connection, assets. You still protect me. Anybody want to date with me or try to flirt with me. I always send your picture and phone number to them and advise, “Please check with him because he is pretty good to change the fate. He loves to shoot the people who dare to love me or look at me.” Do you remember something with my above statement?

I want to visit those places alone where you and I went together. Who knows if my surgeon’s hand get tremors. No, I will see you from a distance because you don’t deserve to see me. Sometimes, I wonder if you ever miss me when your eyes are closed. Once you said, “I see your face with my closed eyes and even in my sleep.”

I have failed many good people because of you. You failed me, and I don’t hesitate to fail others. My memory is so sharp now. I remember every event. Yes, the chemicals are so strong but not stronger than your love. You still have a good grip on my brain and heart. I wonder why you still live in my heart and brain. My dear lost soul, do you know there is a superpower who provide a justice.

My lost soul, why had you gone? Why have you chosen a part of materialism? Why have you taken my happiness, desires, dreams, and life along with you? Do you know hard to live when your loved one has broken your soul, especially knowingly?

I feel dejected without you. The sadness has complete control over me. I have doubted Allah one day because of you and have doubted his power.
Do you know where I am sitting and writing this letter to you? Yes, the same place where is no internet. I will see you. Let’s see if multiple gallantry awards winner has a strength to shoot me. Last time, you have said it,” How I can kill you. I love you”. Now you will get your chance.

I don’t know If I should feel sorry for my dead soul or my lost soul whenever I remember, “The list of your sins was stronger than my love.”
Yes, you were right,” we can separate physically, but nobody can apart emotionally.” I feel it whenever you miss me. I always become restless, and I always say that time, “somewhere something is not right.” My dear lost soul, you have left a dead part of the soul inside of my heart. But believe me or not, the dead soul inside of me still miss you, often call you, and still love you. I appreciate my stringer for introducing me to this web world because I can still communicate with you.
“Remember, Almighty is a supreme power, and nobody can change it whatever he wants.”

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