The soul is broken and shattered, alone, and extinct. However, her lonely soul is forever strengthened, which she has felt upon recovering from coronavirus. His soul is solitary, but she is not alone. Indefinitely in her life, she didn’t have much fascination with the outside world. While lying in bed suffering from high-grade fever and acute pain due to coronavirus, she felt that being alone is healthy and safe for her. She doesn’t feel desperate even she misses him so much. It was the month of Ramadan, so she spent a lot of time in worship. She has created her own prayer, which she recites again and again.
She feels safe and strong when she is alone. How many people can be alone without interacting with others? Most people lose their patience after setting aside a few days or a week. No, she is not alone as she talks to the almighty, Bani and Inaya boys, Abu, father, and Chachu. Sometimes, her soul becomes a rebel, and she begins to feel restless and incomplete without him. She speaks to her soul and makes it clear that she is born to wander alone in this world. She loves him very much even she is gone.
Recently, after reading the Quran, it also came to his mind that he is just a traveler in this realm of life. People often travel solo. Why can’t she do this cycle of life alone? She has a lot of myths and facts to support the view of keeping her soul lone. She realized long ago that she would have to undertake this journey alone. She has also felt that her hubby bubby could not be alone for more than two days. Sometimes, she looks at others but does not say a single word. However, she would often say to him, “Bubby, sometimes, I like to see how far someone can go down to sell their soul.”
Recently, she came to know why he was left alone to die. Her Bubby is not brave when the situation comes to living alone. This was the reason he made his choice to leave her. There were many other reasons for leaving her, but loneliness was one of them. West and East are not near where he could just run to meet her at midnight, driving alone without his bodyguard. Well, he taught her well how to use the sources.
She has counseled herself. Who can be a good counselor than yourself? She smiles, “No, I am not confused because I know how to separate reality and illusion. I know that the Almighty is not sitting on each side of my window. Instead of talking to the fake friends and family, it is okay to talk with the dead, trustworthy friends and family. Dead people do not hurt anybody. I am just afraid of living people “. People cheat others, but she cheats herself. She tells people not to contact her. She blocks everyone. She said, “I have got an expert on how to get rid of people out of my life. I tell my Bubby to block me, can you believe it?”
It is extremely easy to be alone without the loneliness that can control your thoughts. It is important to vent your feelings because you do not want to turn yourself into something different. She still remembers how her day started and ended after talking with him. Now, she doesn’t like to see her phone. She has more fear in her mind. It did not surprise her when she did not respond or react to her aunt’s phone call, who just wanted to know how she was handling the coronavirus. Fear, demons, and poor luck tell her, “Be careful, and you can hurt yourself again. Think how much you are in pain already because of that”.
She laughingly says, “He has come into my life to destroy me. He is not a good Muslim. He is not a good husband. He is not honest with his society. I doubt if he is a good son or the father. Good people don’t let the woman die alone. But he is still the love of my life. I am grateful to him because he opens my eyes about how people can be so selfish and materialistic. He has given me the strength to live alone. I have recognized who I am and what strength do I have”.
The wise man said that every household could not have a daughter or sister, but each house has a mother. “Well, I will let him decide how much he has respect for his mother after hurting somebody’s mother. I will let him decide how good a father he could be after he hurt the feeling of fatherless kids and has taken their mother away from them”.
She is also greatful to her so-called sister, who taught her about the blog. Without expressing her feelings on the blog, it could not easy walking alone. It does not make sense that she calls him in her dreams, but she told him to block her number. Almighty knows how much her shattered and broken soul had wailed when she told him to block her. The soul is alone, broken, and painful, but she is ready to make it alone. She is alone but not lonely because Almighty lives in her heart, and her dead ones visit her when she is in her deep sleep. She has accepted the desire of almighty to walk solo.
She often says,” He is my Allah, and my love for him is a holly Quran. He is not physically with me, but he is emotionally present in my heart and brain, so how I could feel alone.”
No doubt, she cries many times in a day, but she tells almighty, “Can you be kind enough to wipe my tears and rub my hair until I go to sleep. My Bubby is not here”.
She misses him every minute of the day, and she could feel his presence around her. Therefore, she is alone but not lonely. She prays to Almighty,” Make me so strong so that I can spend my rest of life with his memories only.” People often ask her,” How is your Bubby. When will he come to visit you? or are you planning to visit him soon?”
How could she accept that he is gone because the people are not ready to admit that he is gone? They always said, “perfect couple which is made for each other by almighty.” However, perfection is gone, but passion is still there. Why does she not feel lonely? He lives in her heart, and he has given a lot of love and affection to her. There is a lot of quality time they had spent together. There are many memories. Therefore, she never feels lonely; even she is a lone soul.
There were not many people in her life before she met him. However, he took everybody along with him; whoever was with her. Maybe, he came into her life to make her soul alone. He is everything to her, so her world was around him, and she was so happy. Her world has shattered since he has gone, and she starts walking solo. She orphan once again. Maybe it was a desire of almighty so she can’t do anything. Once again, she has done an agreement with her hopes, happiness, and dreams. Of course, it hurt a lot. The soul starts wailing when she remembers him. She starts reciting the prayer. May Allah will listen to her prayer. She is not sure if it would happen in this life because it depends on Almighty. However, it is in her hands to keep his love and memories alive while she is alive.