The feelings of dejection came suddenly into my mind. The purpose of my life has already ended on this planet. “A wise man said the earth does not belong to humankind. Humans are just passing through this planet. They are just a passenger.” People come and go in each human life. But some of them leave a permanent impression on our minds.
Dear Almighty, I want you to help me find myself. I am lost in this world. I feel alone and dejected. I am trying to find the meaning of my life. Can you be kind enough to help me out? People say this world is so crowded, but I wander solo in this crowd, attempting to find him. I check my phone when I wake up every day. I always try to check his messages. I look back and forth to see if he left any Good Morning messages for me. But, of course, there is no message. This never disappoints me. I take a shower, and I don’t care how I dress or look. I start driving to my work with an empty soul but tearful eyes. I talk to him while driving. I talk to him endlessly, but he is not there to respond at the other end. He is not to tell me, “Munna, I need at least 6-7 of your pictures”. He is not there to take my pictures without telling me.
Dear almighty, nobody asks me if I have eaten or not. He is also not here to yell at me why I have not eaten any food yet. Yes, I miss how he often yelled at me when I did not eat. There was love and affection in his yelling too. Now, I walk around with an empty mind. Often it is an aimless walk. Some people care what I refuse to talk about because they are not him. I try to do my job well, and I come home to sit by the window to remember the old days. The soul is empty and feels dejected from the world. I avoid talking to people. I often check my phone to see if he has sent me a good night message. I am trying my best to laugh. Sometimes, I laugh loudly, but my soul cries louder at the same time.
Dear almighty, sometimes, I feel that I am just a machine whose primary function is continuing to work. I wonder if my bubby ever misses me. I wonder if he ever thinks about me. He can have many Saras, but I have only one bubby. My world has ended since he was gone. Why am I alive now? Can you take me to the next life now? I am not needed in this world. I am just a useless person now. I am not sure if you are ready or not, but I am prepared to depart.
First, my happiness was gone. Now, my brain starts to freeze again. Has my bubby ever realized that his act of cowardliness has ruined someone completely? Does my so-called sister ever think that her selfishness has taken someone’s life? I am tired and exhausted now. I am alone. I stopped crying in front of people because people got tired of my tears. However, the tears never get bored. I was quiet before meeting him. I told him once that I wanted to cry. Yes, he listened to me, and I cried with him. However, he has given me a permanent tear. “Most people say that forget him because he doesn’t care about you. He is gone after using your emotions”. I am not agreed with them. Almighty, you know the truth. I just know that I miss him, and I feel alone. Why do you take everybody away from me if you plan to take my bubby away?
Dear Almighty, I miss my beautiful Valley. I wish to become a ghost or a bird to go to my Valley. But, nobody can see me if I will be a ghost or a bird. I have spoken a truth that has taken my life away. The fact has taken my love away. It has made my Valley apart. Do you think that people would talk about the truth if they came to know the consequence of speaking the truth?
Dear almighty, sometimes I suffer from physical and emotional pain, but I cannot share it with anybody because people think it is her everyday problem. Of course, I have created my own problem by speaking the truth. Can you forgive me for speaking the truth? I have a terrible habit of speaking the truth. That is my father’s fault. Honestly, I don’t have any desire left. I don’t have any purpose left to live. I want to join my family. I feel alone. I never swear upon you or anybody. So, I won’t swear either now. I will speak my mind, though.
Dear Almighty, I want you to put on my shoes and walk a few miles and feel the pain. Then you will realize what I am talking about. There is nothing left in me except emptiness. I feel incomplete, dejected, and dissatisfied. Do you know, almighty? Once I used to have some desires, which have been brutally killed now. So why am I still on the earth?
Almighty, Is this true that people who are selfish or commit sins are the ones who succeed in this life.
Dear almighty, I am a simple woman who just wants to live the life of a simple woman, but everything is taken away from me. I am not asking for luxury, and the demands are so simple. My bubby has left me on the corner where I can neither go back nor forward. How can I go backward or forward while he resides in my soul? Sometimes, I am jealous of him because nobody loves me as much as I love him.
Almighty, what this dejected, empty, and sad would do anything useful? I am just a burden on the earth. Please consider taking me back. Almighty, the church lady, has given me a new name: The princess warrior. I hope you won’t mind it if I add this name to my name.
Munna Sara: The Princess Warrior.