The Painful Emails

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She texted her mentor, “I am learning something new that is hard to learn. I could use your blessing”.

The response is, “Rest. It is a tough time. Don’t forget to check my recent email”.

She thoughts, “Maybe, the blessing has arrived in a new form.”

She checks her email without any delay. She gets disappointed because it is her color-coded schedule. This is not her regular schedule. It is shocking news because her rotation will be in five different hospitals.

She has nothing to do now, so she is thinking of doing some cleaning. What should I clean? The housekeeper was here this morning, so the house is clean. Finally, she starts to check her emails. There are more than 1000 email messages, which she refuses to check because most of the messages will be related to COVID. It is easy to clean your inbox just by deleting everything, so she has done the same thing. “It is time to clean the folders too.” She has cleaned many folders and has removed expired items.

Suddenly, her gaze went to the specific folder named AAK. She looked at the folder. Then, she decided to open it. She opened the first email, which she had written to him on 11/27/2018. She closed the folder right away because there was only pain, and she was afraid to deal with it now.

She writes about her childhood because it was a good part of life. Has she recovered from her traumatic injuries? Or does she start to hide the pain with her smile and humor? Is she afraid to face the pain? Has she learned how to live on good memories because she often looks at the pictures? Why could she not read the email? Why is she afraid to read the emails written to him? These emails are full of pain and truth.  Nor dare you delete those emails. So why is she saving those emails? She plans to take those emails to the Almighty, proof of her love and pain. She thinks, “Maybe almighty would forget how much I have loved my bubby and how much I have suffered without him.”.

She thinks, “I never got a response from my bubby because an email was never delivered to him. The delivery made a U-turn. I will get those answers from the almighty. Only my bubby and almighty owe me the answers”.

The woman often thinks, “I am not sure whether my love is more intense or suffering. Both of them are still with me.”

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