The Painful Emails

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She texted her mentor, “I am learning something new which is kind of hard to learn. I could use your blessing”.

The response comes right away, “Rest. It is a tough time. Don’t forget to check my recent email”.

She thoughts, “Maybe, the blessing has arrived into a new form.”

She checks her email without any delay. She gets disappointed because it was her color-coded schedule. It is not her regular schedule. It is kind of shocking news because her rotation will be in five different hospitals.

She has nothing to do now, so she thinks to do some cleaning. What should I clean? The housekeeper was here this morning, so the house is clean. Finally, she starts to check her emails. There are more than 1000 email messages, which she refuses to check because the majority of the messages will be related to COVID. How easy it is to clean your inbox just by deleting everything, so she has done the same thing. “It is time to clean the folders too.” So she has cleaned many folders and has removed expired items.

Suddenly, her gaze went on the specific folder named as AAK. She looked at the folder. She decided to open it. She opened the first email which she had written to him on 11/27/2018. She closed the folder right away because there is only pain which she afraid to deal it now.

She writes about her childhood because it was a good part of life. Does she recover from her traumatic injuries? Or Does she start to hide the pain with her smile and humor? Does she afraid to face the pain? Has she learned how to live on the good memories because she looks at the pictures many times? Why she could not read the email? Why she afraid to read the emails which have written to him? Those emails are full of pain and truth.  Both don’t dare to delete those emails. Why is she saving those emails? She plans to take those emails to Almighty, which is proof of her love and pain. She thinks, “Maybe almighty would forget how much I have loved my bubby and how much I have suffered without him.”.

She thinks, “I never got a response from my bubby because an email was never delivered to him. The delivery had made a U-turn. So, I will get those answers from almighty. Only my bubby and almighty owe me the answers”.

The woman often thinks, “I am not sure whether my love is more intense or my suffering. Both are still with me.”

 

 

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