The little girl’s father often used to tell her that a person should interrogate his or her soul at least once a day. The girl always asked, “Baba, how a person could interrogate his or her soul and why they should do it.” The father always advised her, “Look into your eyes through the mirror which will take you inside of your soul. Then think back about the entire day. You need to look at what you have done right and wrong. What circumstances have made you do such things? The actions of your soul would reflect into your eyes. You will not able to look directly into your eyes if you have done something wrong. Afterward, you make a promise to yourself how to improve yourself. This daily exercise will keep you away from doing something wrong, and will keep your soul clean and pure”.
Most of the things used to go over her head, and she asked the soldier boy, “Abu, Abu, I don’t get it. why my father always tells me that I should look into my soul at least once a day. Can you be kind enough to explain it to me?. It seems interrogation to me”. Abu said, “your father is right. It will prohibit you from making any mistake or sin in your life. It will also provide you an opportunity to overcome your mistake”.
The girl asked Abu, “I will always be a good girl. I will follow my baba’s rules. Abu, you should do it too”.
The woman always interrogates her soul every day. She looks into her eyes through the mirror and asks herself what I have done or not done. How I can improve myself if I had done something wrong”.
Often tears welled into her eyes when she interrogates her soul now. She thinks, “I am done, and I can’t do more than this. I was a human and used to feel like a regular person. What soul would I interrogate now? The soul is broken into many pieces, and it could take her entire life to collect all those pieces. She can’t glue her broken soul, but she tries her best not to break someone’s soul. Today, she has interrogated her soul again. She felt, “I have misbehaved with somebody. I should not have to be rude to my mentor/boss”.
First, she thoughts to text him but then something came into her brain, “No, I should avoid direct contact with anybody. I am sorry about being rude to you. I was not meant to speak with you like this. You have saved my professional life. You are trying to make my personal life better. My bubby often told me that don’t expect too much from others. I am thankful to you. My personal life won’t restart anymore. I have put a permanent break into my own life. I don’t need anything. Everybody had loved me a lot. I can use their love for the rest of my life. My bubby had also loved me a lot, so I don’t need any more love. I am not happy, but I am so glad for not being satisfied. I am sad, but I am so glad about being unhappy. I feel alone, but I also enjoy my own company”.
She doesn’t want t waste anybody’s time. She does not want to expect anything. The woman thinks, “I have marked unbelievable recovery in my professional life. But I can’t forward in my personal life. I have become so paranoid that I won’t able to trust almighty if it comes to my personal life. This is me. I was born this way. I can’t change who I am. Many hands reach toward her, but she pulls her hand away after giving the phone number of her bubby, “sorry, this person has decided my life. Contact him if you have courage because I have given him full authority to decide my remaining life. So, I am sorry. I can’t give my father’s place to anybody. I cannot give my bubby’s place to anybody because he is still alive. God has not given me a brother, but someone from across the border has become her brother, who does not matter if I have contact with him or not. End of the story, my personal life is over”.
Yes, she calls herself unfit to this society. This is her fault. The society is good, but her fate is not good. The woman thinks, “How I could be fit to this society. I get angry easily. I look for affection and love than fakeism. I look for quality than quantity how I can be fit for this society because I am not ready to sell my soul yet. I can’t sleep until truth come out of me. Who could be my friend when I look at them with my paranoid behavior. I don’t like making friends or relationships because I am afraid to hurt again”.
The woman has interrogated her soul. She looked at herself through the mirror. She looks into the eyes. Suddenly questions came in her mind, “where is the brightness of my face gone? Why I feel myself not being me. Why my eyes look so sad, why my soul is wailing, I can hear crying soul, which makes my eyes so foggy. How I can look directly into my eyes because it seems everything so blurry.”
Her soul tells her, “listen to your boss. Time is now or never”. The woman’s answer remains the same, “He is not with me, but he is still alive. I am waiting for him. One day, almighty will bring strength to him. One day almighty would wake him up until then I will stay in my cave”.
Allah will wake him to tell,” Look at the woman. Without knowing the consequences and future, she is still standing in solo at her post. She is alone, and people don’t take a second to take advantage of her situation. She fights and will continue to fight. This is the job of almighty now instead of mine. My job is to keep his memories and love alive inside of me.”.
Until then, the unfit to the society will keep herself alive.
“In Islam, taking your life calls sin. What it calls when people kill someone alive or make others to commit suicide”.
“How many of you interrogate your soul once a day”