Who is the saint if you are the sinner

Moulvi thought about who could be banging on the door of the Mosque in the early morning. He heard the woman crying and banging on the door, “I want you to come out, Almighty. Why are you hiding? Why don’t you see what is going on? I want you to come out and face me. I need my answer now if you are super powerful as my Abu said”.

Moulvi lives next to the Mosque, and he is getting ready for Fajr’s prayer. He came out to see who was crying at the door. He asked the woman, “Can I help you?”. She answered him, “Nobody could help me except the almighty, and he is hiding from me. My Bubby is also hiding from me”. Not sure if Moulvi was able to understand her because she was crying and talking at the same time. She was also not sure if Moulvi had said anything to her. She had sat on the doorsteps of the Mosque.

Moulvi is a polite gentleman who has an excellent knowledge of Islam. However, he told the woman, “you never came back since that day. I have seen you in the parking lot many times, but you never stepped out of the car”.

The woman said, “Sorry, I am distraught at Almighty. My bubby had left me on the doorsteps, so I wouldn’t go inside until he came. But I need to ask many questions from the Almighty. I need to ask if I have done any sin. Why has he punished me? I need to ask him what many innocent people have done wrong. Is it a sin to love somebody? Is it a sin to speak the truth? Should I be dishonest? Why doesn’t he come to help those innocent people suffering today? Does he see what the heck is going on on his planet?”
Moulvi laughed and said, “I still remember the day senior Imam did not have an answer for you. This world has many questions without any specific answers”.

She continued to cry, “what was my sin?. I need to know, and I need to know now. The world is nearing an end. I feel alone. I want to know what I have done wrong? Am I a sinner?. I’m here to get my answer”.

Moulvi possibly got tired from her stupid questions and told her, “Who is the saint if you are the sinner.”
She looked at Molvi and left,” No, you also don’t have the answer to my questions.” Then, she looked at the Mosque again, “I will be back to get my answers. Don’t hide from me, almighty”.

She started to drive toward her home. She was so stressed and knew well that she could forget her way back home, which always happens when she cries from her heart. However, she is smart enough to make her map marking. While her brain was struggling to cope, she started to say loudly, “watch for the solo tree on your left side, then make a left turn after 0.3 miles. It will take me home”.

On her way home, she continued to think, “My doctor says that you are not insane, and it is just PTSD. Molvi says you are not a sinner. Father always says that you are a trooper and an innocent soul. But, my Babaji cannot talk. My Bubby has hidden somewhere. So, I am confused as usual”.

She continued to think, “Am I born to cry? Almighty wrote all this pain in my fate before I was born. Why don’t I act like others? Why don’t I forget him? Why does he continue to knock at my soul? Why can’t I move forward? I may be insane. Will my tears ever get dry?

Fifteen minutes of driving from Mosque to home had ended at least 45 minutes for her. She drove into the countryside while crying. She wanted to take everything out of her mind before entering the house.
She laughed, “My bubby promised me that he wouldn’t let any tears come out of her eyes. He also promised me to change my fate”. Yes, he did change her fate significantly but failed to dry her tears.

She felt weak and drained out as she reached home. She was shivering in the cold. The thermostat shows temp set to 68. “Why do I still feel cold? I should drink some Khawa”.
However, she was too cold and tired to make some khawa. She wrapped herself in a warm comforter and extra heavy blanket, but she continued to feel cold. She felt cold in her lungs while lying on her back. She felt a cold shiver in her spine while lying on her stomach. She felt a burning sensation on the skin under her eyes. She thought, “Is there any medicine to stop my damn tears?  It makes sense that the Ph of tears is close to sodium chloride”.

She continued to think about what a nightmare would come tonight. She did not know when she went to sleep while talking to the almighty and her bubby, “keep hiding from me. I love both of you. One day, I will find you to get my answers. Sorry almighty, I have fought with you again today. My dear Bubby, the world out there is not safe for a single woman. So I will just hide in my cave and continue to wait for you”. She remembered him sitting next to her in a red polo shirt. She felt safe. She smiled and said, “Thank you, Almighty. You are always kind to me. I really appreciate you. Keep my Bubby and everybody safe”.

One thought on “Who is the saint if you are the sinner

  1. I honestly think we just naturally take turns, some people are saints for a bit and then they switch into sinners and vice versa….

    Like one giant history story stuck on play.

    Liked by 1 person

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