The Day Dream Or The Bucket List

She looks outside the window and thinks,” Everything looks crystal clear through the glass window. Why can’t human eyes see the reality of others?. Why won’t our souls automatically know the intention of others? Why does our mind become so delusional when it comes to trust and love?”
She was lost in the daydream. Everybody is worried about the virus. Has the almighty brought the virus out of human souls? Does the almighty try to tell humankind something in his language? But unfortunately, we are blind and continue to ignore his message.
Suddenly, a smile comes on her face, and she starts to talk with her beautiful valley and almighty.
“My beautiful Valley and Almighty, I apologize for fighting with you. I am yours, so you are mine, which gives me an automatic right to fight with you. I don’t feel afraid of dying. Death is the only eminent truth that inevitably comes whether you want it. But before I die, I have my wishes or my bucket list. Can you be kind enough to fulfill my dreams?
I like to stand in the middle of the valley. I want the fresh air of the valley to play with my hair. I want the air to touch my cheeks and enter my body through my nose and mouth. I want to feel it again before I leave this planet.
It has been a long time since I have smelled the soil of my native country. Can you allow me to visit at least once before I come to you? I want to walk on the banks of Sindh and Lidder. I want to revisit Aru, Lidroo, Pahalgam, Gulmarg, and Sonmarg. I want to go inside the Sikh temple at Mattan with my bubby. I want to touch the freshwater of the rivers with my hand. I want to walk over the stones in the river. I like to hear him yelling, “Munna, come back. The water is so fast”. I wish to see the same fear in his mind that the water would drown his Munna or take her away. I want to stand on the river to feel the fresh air and smell. I want to touch the soft skin of the sheep and goat. Their skin is so soft and silky. I miss it. I promise that I won’t harm them.
I want to touch the fish with my finger. I promise not to take the fish out of the water. Who knows their pain better than I do? I promise I will touch the fish with my finger only. I know the place where I can touch the fish while they are still inside the water—the pond in the Betab Valley. I want to go there again. I promise not to be greedy, and I will return from the valley only. I won’t tell him about taking me to Leh and Ladakh again.

I want to go there to touch the Lidder Valley. I wish to walk on the stones again. I want to repeat the past before I die. I still remember walking along with him on the banks of those rivers. I promise that I won’t listen to him at all. I will let him yell at me, “Slow down, Munna. You will get hurt”. It was enjoyable. Wandering in nature with him was a unique experience in my life. Can you imagine my happiness walking into the valley with my bubby? I can’t express my words. You are almighty, who knows everything.

While walking with him, I want to touch the green trees and splash with Sindh and Lidder’s water. I want to enjoy nature along with him when I leave this planet. I don’t like it when he walks with many bodyguards. I liked it when we walked along the river bank alone. I loved escaping into nature without extra eyes on us. Even the fear of his safety always remained inside of me. However, any bullet needs to pass through me before touching him.

I will enjoy it if a local vendor offers him some commission in exchange for buying things. I want to hear it again, “No, I am her driver only. How much will you give me a commission if she buys something from you?” I remember laughing with him later. I want to laugh again. So I will buy from a local vendor and make sure my bubby gets the commission. Can you be kind enough to make it happen again?
I want to drive on the roads of the countryside with him again. Then, I will stop in town to see the dogs. Oh my gosh, there were beautiful dogs everywhere. They had even sat in the middle of the roads. I don’t know the town’s name, but I named it Kuttapura (Doggy villa). I want to stop in the village to talk with all those dogs. I will ignore him when he says, “Munna, they are the street dogs and can bite you.” I promise not to listen to him. I want to play with all those doggies before I leave this world.
I wish my bubby would make coffee or tea for me again. I loved drinking when he made the coffee. Be kind to me, Almighty, before I leave. My dear valley, please don’t cheat on me again. Once, you left me when I was only five years old. I could not return until 2008, but it has opened the gateway again. I have not seen you for the past 1.5 years. I have not seen my bubby either. Do you guys know how painful it is? I want the Valley, Almighty, and bubby to feel my pain now. It is the last chance. Don’t shed tears of crocodile when I am gone. Everyone loves me here but still misses my bubby and valley. My soul is stuck there. Can you be kind enough to send my soul back or bring this body back? I have a strong desire to keep my body and soul together. Can you make it happen at least one more time, please?
Do you understand now? Why does my soul still wander around? Why has it become restless again? Why am I in pain? It is not rocket science that you could not understand. The body and soul should be in one place.
It does not matter what high-profile life is. Dear Valley and Almighty, I have loved my bubby like the man of my life, not being a high-profile person. I wish he were not in a high-profile job. My life could have been better today. No, he loves the uniform. He could have been a scientist today, and he could have found the solution to this virus today. He is a brilliant man, and I know he could have done it. He could be here with me in this part of the world. Or I could be with him. However, can anybody fight with the desire of the almighty? Now choices are made which have killed someone’s soul.

I am on the front line of fighting this virus. Is my bubby praying for my wellness now? I miss his lecture, “Munna, you need to be careful. Please use all PPE”. I often fought with him for not using his safety jacket. I am like a soldier who stands on the borders to protect the people. I am not afraid to die. My soul is already dead without the valley and my bubby. My body is only alive, so how can I be feared or scared?

I am happy and joyful. I love living in the USA because it has given me freedom and justice. I also love living in my native country, where I was born. I don’t mind if my people have forgotten me. I don’t care if my bubby could not stand with me. But I still love my people. Do you know that I am so stubborn? I often make my way to see him. Who gives me this stubbornness? Who gives me this attitude? Where have I learned how to fight and survive? You taught me when I was a kid.
I don’t ask for any luxury life, visit anywhere else, or have an exotic lifestyle. I just want to be with my bubby and in my valley, wandering in nature before leaving this world. I am not asking for a place in heaven. My heaven is in my beautiful valley, and with the man I love from my heart. “the woman’s desire to die close to her man before she takes her last breath.” My soul will continue to hunt the valley if I die somewhere else. My grave is somewhere in hell. Once, I have chosen close to my angel boy for my burial, but the almighty has chosen something else.
I love going to Gulmarg again, watching him fall when he goes skiing. I love eating Kashmiri food. I wish to eat Pakaora with tea and drink some Kahwa. I often think about drinking hot lemon tea, which I had when I went to have dinner with him at local restaurants in Leh. I love that lemon tea. I wish to have it again before I depart from the earth.
I wish my bubby could comb my hair again. I loved it when he brushed my hair. I never had long hair, so I did not know how to comb it. That was his decision to grow hair, so it was all his fault, so he combed my hair. I wish that he combs my hair again because it reminds me of the love of my mum and Abu.
Before I die, I would like to walk to my graveyard along with him. I want to sit on the porch and sip tea. I want to play under the walnut tree. I want to chase the girls in the front yard. I want to see him when he offers namaz. I am not sure if there is enough time to complete all those dreams which my bubby and I have taken together. I always have a hard time breathing at high altitudes. It is also your fault for keeping me away from the valley for a long time.
My utmost desire is also straightforward. Please, I want my burial at my birthland in his presence. I want my bubby to offer a namaz at my grave.
There is a long list of things that I want to do with my loving man. But, cutting short, I just want to be in the valley, close to the river, nature, and my bubby when I take my last breath. I could not do it when I was alive. Can you allow me a chance only once before I meet my Abu, Chachu, mom, Banny, and Inna? Almighty, do you want mum teasing me again, “did I not say stay away from the Valley and Muslims?”. Can you save my dearest father and me from my mother’s lecture?
She looks at the clock with a smile, “Oh, soon it will be my time to go to the hot zone again.” She thinks that my life was not immune. My soul was not immune. How could my body be resistant to the virus? I hope someone has read my test with honesty.

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