She looks outside the window and thinks,” Everything looks crystal clear through the glass window. Why humans’ eyes cannot see the reality of others?. Why our soul automatically won’t know the intention of others? Why our mind become so delusional when it comes to trust and love?”
She has lost in the daydream. Everybody is worried about the virus. Does almighty have brought the virus out of human souls? Does almighty try to tell humankind something in his language? We are blind and continue to ignore his message.
Suddenly, a smile comes on her face, and she starts to talk with her beautiful valley and almighty.
“The beautiful Valley and Almighty, I apologize for fighting with you. I am yours, so you are mine, which gives me an automatic right to fight with you. I don’t feel afraid of dying. Death is only eminent truth, which inevitably comes weather you want or not. But before I die, I have my wishes or my bucket list. Can you be kind enough to fulfill my dreams?
I like to stand in the middle of the valley. I want the fresh air of the valley to play with my hair. I want the air touches my cheeks, and enter my body through my nose and mouth. I want to feel it again before I leave this planet.
It is a long time when I have smelled the soil of the native country. Can you allow me to visit at least once before I come to you? I want to walk on the banks of Sindh and Lidder. I want to revisit Aru, Lidroo, and Pahalgam, Gulmarg, and Sonmarg. I want to go inside the Sikh temple at Mattan with my bubby. I want to touch the freshwater of the rivers with my hand. I want to walk over the stones in the river. I like to hear him yelling, “Munna, come back. The water is so fast”. I wish to see the same fear in his mind that the water won’t drown his Munna or take her away. I want to stand on the river to feel the fresh air and smell. I want to touch the soft skin of the sheep and goat. Their skin is so soft and silky. I miss it. I promise that I won’t harm them.
I want to touch the fish with my finger. I promise not to take the fish out of the water. Who knows the pain better than me? I promise I will touch the fish with my finger only. I know the place already where I can touch the fish while they are still inside the water—the pond in the Betab Valley. I want to go over there again. I promise not to be greedy, and I will return from the valley only. I won’t tell him about taking me to Leh and Ladakh again.
I want to go down to touch the Lidder Valley. I wish to walks on the stones again. I want to repeat the past before I die. I still remember walking down along with him to the river from the high road. I promise that I won’t listen to him at all. I will let him yell at me, “slow down, Munna. You will get hurt”. It was enjoyable. Wandering in nature with him was a unique experience in my life. Can you imagine my happiness walking into the valley with my bubby? I can’t express my words. You are almighty, who knows Everything.
I want to walk with him, touching the green trees, splashing with the water of Sindh and Lidder. I want to be my bubby and nature when I leave this planet. I don’t like it when he walks with many bodyguards. I liked it when we walked along with me on the bank of the river. I loved escaping into nature without extra eyes on us. Even the fear of his safety always remained inside of me. However, any bullet needs to pass through me before even it touch him. I will enjoy it when a local vendor offers him some commission if the foreigner buys something from him. I want to hear it again, “No, I am her driver only. How much will you give me a commission if she buys something from you?” I remember laughing with him later. I want to laugh again. I will buy from a local vendor and will make sure my bubby gets the commission. Can you be kind enough to make it happen again?
I want to drive on the roads of the countryside with him again. I will stop in the town to see the dogs. Oh my gosh, there were beautiful dogs everywhere. Even they had sat in the middle of the roads. I don’t know the name of the town, but I named it as a Kuttapura (Doggy villa). I want to stop in the village to talk with all those dogs. I will ignore him when he says, “Munna, they are the street dogs and can bite you.” I promise not to listen to him. I want to play with all those doggies before I leave this world.
I wish my bubby make coffee or tea for me. I loved drinking when he had made the coffee. Be kind to me, Almighty, before I leave. My dear valley, please don’t cheat on me again before I go. Once you have left me when I was only five years old. I could not return until 2008, but it has open the gateway again. Now I have not seen you yet for the past 1.5 years. I have not seen my bubby either. Do you guys know how painful it is? I want the Valley, Almighty, and my bubby feel my pain now. It is the last chance. Don’t shed tears of crocodile when I am gone. Everyone loves me here but still miss my bubby and valley. My soul is stuck there. Can you be kind enough to send my soul back or take this body back? I have a strong desire to keep my body and soul together. At least one more time, can you make it happened, please?
Do you understand now? Why my soul still wanders around? Why has it become restless again? Why am I in pain? It is not rocket science that you won’t understand it. The body and soul should be in one place.
It does not matter of high-profile life. Dear Valley and Almighty, I have loved my bubby like a man of my life, not being a high profile person. I wish he were not on high profile job. My life could have been better today. No, he loves the uniform. He could be a scientist today, and He could have found the solution to this virus today. He is a brilliant man, and I know he could have done it. He could be here with me in this part of the world. Or I could be with him. However, can anybody fight with the desire of almighty? Now the choices are made which have killed someone’s soul.
I am on the front line to fight this virus. Does my bubby pray for my wellness now? I am missing his lecture, “Munna, you need to be careful. I want you to be using all PPE”. I often fought with him not using his safety jacket. I am like a soldier who stands on the borders to protect the people. I am not afraid to die. My soul is already dead without the valley and my bubby. My body is only alive, so how I can be feared or scared. I am happy and being joyful. I love living in the USA because it has given me freedom and justice. I also love living in my native country, where I was born. I don’t mind if my people have forgotten me. I don’t care if my bubby could not stand with me. But I still love my people. Do you know that I am so stubborn? I can always make my way to come to see you. Who gives me this stubbornness? Who gives me this attitude? Where have I learned how to fight and survive? You had taught me when I was a kid.
I don’t ask any luxury life or visiting to anywhere else or have some exotic lifestyle. I just want to be with my bubby and in my valley wandering in nature before I leave this world. I am not asking for a place in heaven. My heaven is in my beautiful valley and with the man whom I love from my hear. “the woman’s desire to die close to her man before she takes her last breath.” My soul will continue to hunt the valley if I die somewhere else. My grave is somewhere on hell. Once, I have chosen for my burial close to my angel boy, but the almighty has chosen something else.
I love going to Gulmarg again, watch him falling when he will do skiing. I love eating Kashmiri food. I wish to eat Pakaora and Tea and some Kahwa. I often think about drinking hot lemon tea, which I had when I went to have dinner with him at local restaurants at Leh. I love that lemon tea. I wish to have again before my departure from the earth.
I wish my bubby can comb my hair again. I loved it when he had brushed my hair. I never had long hair, so I did not know how to comb it. That was his decision to grow hair, so it was all his fault, so he had combed my hair. I wish that he combs my hair again because it reminds me of the love of my mum and Abu.
Before I die, I would like to walk up to my graveyard along with him. I want to sit on the porch and sip a tea. I want to play under the walnut tree. I want to chase the girls in the front yard. I want to look at him when he offers namaz. I am not sure if there is enough time to complete all those dreams which I and my bubby have taken together. I always have a hard time breathing at high altitudes. It is also your fault keeping me away from the valley for a long time.
My utmost desire is also straightforward. Please, I want my burial at my birthland in his presence. I want my bubby to offer a namaz at my grave.
There is a long list of things that I want to do along with my loving man. Cutting short, I just want to in the valley, close to the river, nature, and close to my bubby when I take my last breath. I could not do it when I was alive. Can you allow me a chance only once before I go to meet my Abu, Chachu, mom, Banny, and Inna? Almighty, do you want mum teasing me again, “did not I say stay away from the Valley and Muslims?”. Can you save my dearest father and me from my mother’s lecture?
She looks at the clock with a smile, “Oh, soon will be my time going to the hot zone again.” She thinks that my life was not immune. My soul was not immune. How could my body be resistant to the virus? I hope someone has read my test with honesty.