At the end of her day, she gets automatically sad. It is the time when she used to spend her time with him. This was the time when he used to take a break from his work so that nobody could disturb them. This was their time. Now, her phone does not ring five minutes before her shift ends. Does she still look at the phone? Yes, she looks at the time and then on the phone. Now, there is no missed call or no text message on her phone. Her voice gets heavy, and her tears start to well into her eyes. She tells the tears, “Not yet. Wait, please,”.
Many people have left her except a few who still loves her and cares about her, but she does not appreciate it. She has become a little feisty and rude. The friend almost yelled at her, “There are many reasons for you to live happily. Why you miss someone who ruined your life, it is not his fault f you are going to ruin your life for the person who doesn’t care about you.”
She still defends her bubby, “No, I remember what he told me 2 hrs early before his phone shut down. He told me that it does not matter if we could not live together, but nobody could separate our souls. Our love will always remain the same”. She still beliefs whatever he told her before they separate from each other.
She still remembers her last face to face conversation with him, “I would never harm you. Can you believe it? I can never harm you”. As usual, he came to visit her because he knew she wouldn’t eat anything. He fed her with his own hands, “stop crying, eat.” She could feel a helpless man in the uniform. She could still feel that a caged man still loves him. She still remembers what he said last time, “I want to come, but Nobody will allow me to come.” It does not matter what other people said or says, but she continues to trust in the love and bond both have shared. The man was threatened to be shunned by the Islamic community.
She often cries when she thinks about it. She ran everywhere for help while her stringer continued to put the pressure on her to insult him or get ready to see him somewhere behind bars. The love asks sacrifice. The bravo was brave only in the uniform.
There were lots of people who told her what was happened with him behind the closed doors. How tense he lived. She was worried about his blood pressure and his well-being. She tried reaching to the people who were close to him. She wanted to convey him a secret message, but his loving man was caged. On the top, she was told that he does not care about her anymore. However, the walls are thin, and she used to get all the information about what was going on with him behind the closed door. She had to make a solo decision because the people surrounding him were all useless. She did not have any choice except to become a puppet. Who created that list? The list had become more substantial than her love and feelings.
Now, she often thinks, “A woman is worried about the eligibility of benefits if her husband dies in the encounter. This woman does pray and offer namaz to Allah every day. She keeps Ramadan once a year. She stays silent but a pretty expert to pull the string or the trigger. On the other side of the world, a woman lives in a western world who does not need prayer but tells her almighty, “keep everybody healthy and happy, give me his sadness, and give him my happiness.” This woman runs around to save her loving man. Then she did what she had promised him once. This woman did the compromise with her principles and became a puppet to save her loving man”.
Now she laughs,” what would make you a better person by covering your head and performing the prayer, but your soul is dark as a coal. Would it make you a perfect woman if you have a family to back you up? Would it make you a good woman to make someone pull the trigger for you? Would it make you a perfect Muslim woman if you make a promise then break it? Will it make you an ideal woman or a winner if you blackmail someone? Will it make you a good Muslim wife if you are clever and threaten somebody? Will it make you a perfect woman if you have a sister who helps you to humiliate somebody? Are you a good Muslim woman who pushes somebody to commit suicide? Allah knows the reality and justice will be served at the time of judgment.
The western woman living in the bad western culture did what she supposed to do to protect her love. She kept her promise. She continues to keep her promise, which she has made with her loving man. The pen was hers, but the writer was somebody else.
She has become an orphan again. She is not the same person anymore. People believe or not what she has changed dramatically. She looks at the mirror now, and she refuses to recognize herself. She tires of laughing, but God knows what happens to her soul. Allah is a witness of how she suffers inside. Love is not lust. Love is not to get somebody. Love does not do any sin. Her passion is pure.
Often people ask what she would have done if she were in his shoe. She smiles, “I am my father’s daughter, who continues to follow his principles. I don’t snatch, but I give it away. I don’t play games. I will salute anybody who loves my loving man. I am not a jealous person. I know that my bubby is the love of my life. My life has ended since he is gone. I am not God. I get angry at him, but he is the only man I love in my life. I am not sure if his statement has changed now, but once I was the love of his life,”.
She tells him, “I will be here. I will stay alive, which does not matter how much I will hurt. I will die every day without you. Right now, I think there are no men in this valley left who could ask you, “why.”