At the end of her day, she gets automatically sad. It is the time when she used to spend her time with him. This was when he used to take a break from his work so that nobody could disturb them. This was their time. Now, her phone does not ring five minutes before her shift ends. Is she still looking at the phone? Yes, she looks at the time and then on the phone. As of now, there are no missed calls or text messages on her phone. Her voice gets heavy, and her tears get well into her eyes. Finally, she talks to the tears, “Not yet. Wait, please,”.
Many people have left her except a few who still love her and care about her, but she does not appreciate it. She has become a little feisty and rude. The friend almost yelled at her, “There are many reasons for you to live happily. Why do you miss someone who ruined your life? It is not his fault if you will ruin your life for the person who doesn’t care about you.”
She still defends her bubby, “No, I remember what he told me 2 hrs ago before his phone shut down forever. He told me that it would not matter if we could not live together, but nobody could separate our souls. Our love will always remain the same”. She still believes whatever he told her before they separated from each other.
She still remembers her last face-to-face conversation with him, “I would never harm you. Can you believe it? I cannot harm you”. As usual, he came to visit her because he knew she wouldn’t eat anything. He fed her with his own hands, “stop crying, eat.” She could feel like a helpless man in uniform. Yet, she still feels that a caged man still loves her. She still remembers what he said last time, “I want to come, but nobody will allow me to come.” It does not matter what other people say or say, but she believes in the love and bond both have shared. The man was threatened to be shunned by the Islamic community.
She often cries when she thinks about it. She ran everywhere for help while her stringer pressured her to insult him or get ready to see him somewhere behind bars. Love asks for sacrifice. Bravo was brave only in uniform.
Many people told her what had happened to him behind closed doors. How tense he is. She was worried about his blood pressure and his well-being. She tried reaching the people who were close to him. She wanted to convey him a secret message, but his loving man was caged. On the top, she was told that he did not care about her anymore. However, the walls were thin, and she used to get all the information about what was going on with him behind that closed door. She had to make a solo decision because the people surrounding him were useless. She did not have any choice except to become a puppet. Who and why did someone create that list? The list had become more substantial than her love and feelings.
Now, she often thinks, “A woman is worried about the eligibility of benefits if her husband dies in the encounter. The woman does pray and offers namaz to Allah every day. She keeps fasting on Ramadan once a year. She stays silent but is a pretty expert at pulling the string or the trigger”.
On the other side of the world, a woman who lives in the western world does not do prayer but tells her almighty, “keep everybody healthy and happy, give me his sadness, and give him my happiness.” First, this woman runs around to save her loving man. Then she did what she had promised him once. Finally, this woman compromised with her principles and became a puppet to save her loving man.
Now she laughs,” covering your head and performing the prayer will not make you a good person if your soul is dark as coal and naked. Would it make you a perfect woman if you had a family to back you up? Would it make you a good woman to make someone pull the trigger for you? Would it make you a perfect Muslim woman if you made a promise and broke it? Will it make you an ideal woman or a winner if you blackmail someone? Will it make you a good Muslim wife if you are clever and threaten somebody? Will it make you a perfect woman if you have a sister who helps you to humiliate somebody? Are you a good Muslim woman who pushes somebody to commit suicide? Allah knows the reality, and justice will be served at the judgment.
The western woman living in the bad western culture did what she was supposed to do to protect her love. She kept her promise. She keeps the promise that she has made to her loving man. The pen was hers, but the writer was somebody else.
She has become an orphan again. She is not the same person anymore. People believe or not that she has changed dramatically. She looks in the mirror now, and she refuses to recognize herself. She tires of laughing, but God knows what happens to her soul. Allah is a witness to how she suffers inside. Love is not lust. Love is not to get somebody. Love does not do any sin. Her passion is pure.
Often people ask what she would have done if she were in his shoe. She smiles, “I am my father’s daughter, who continues to follow his principles. I don’t snatch, but I give it away. I don’t play games. I will salute anybody who loves my loving man. I am not a jealous person. I know that my bubby is the love of my life. My life has ended since he is gone. I am not God. I get angry at him, but he is the only man I love in my life. I am not sure if his statement has changed now, but once I was the love of his life,”.
She tells him, “I will be here. I will stay alive, which does not matter how much I will hurt. I will die every day without you. Right now, I think there are no men in this valley on the left who could ask you, “why.”