Her anxiety has increased. She feels restless because there is no way to communicate with him. She thinks writing on the blog was the only way to communicate with him. She cannot do anything now. Her blood pressure continues to rise. The nurse has noticed her being restless, so she asked if need medication for relaxation.
She asks for a computer and her phone. “No, I don’t need medication. I need to write something. Can I have my computer or phone? I need to reach my loving man”.
She is emotional and tearful. Her lips are shivering. The nurse looks at her and went back to the nursing station.
The nurse has returned after a few minutes, and she gives her a bunch of papers, a pen, and cardboard.
She tells the nurse, “thank you for being kind to me. You are a wonderful person”.
She started to write on the paper, “I will write it now, but I will post later. My bubby will read it later. Does he care anymore if I am dying or alive? He doesn’t care if I am suffering. I will continue to keep the promise until my last breath. I will continue writing to him”.
As she started to write, her anxiety has started to go down. Tears start to weld into her eyes which has become a permanent part of her life now. But, she is happy to see her thumb moving. She is excited to hold a pen between her thumb and index finger. She has raised her hand many times to show the nurse, “I can hold the pen tightly.”
The nurse shows her a sign of victory. The symbol of success takes her back to the past life how she had fought each battle alone, and finally, he had come to defeat her. Sometimes, not taking action could also cause severe damage. She does not want to leave her past. She remembers everything. She can recall everything that has happened in the past. It doesn’t matter if she always forgets what has happened in the last two minutes.
She wants to remembers her past for many reasons. One reason is her painful past will keep her away from others. She will never trust anybody, and she will never fill in love with anybody. A person makes a mistake only once. Repeatedly errors are called stupidity. She thinks her continuation of pain/suffering is his punishment.
Suddenly, her brain gone to the tree on the roadside. The tree is standing solo away from the rest of the tree line. This tree helped her a lot last year. For others, it is just a tree. But for her, this solo tree is a road map and a reminder sign. This tree tells her to be ready to make a left turn in the next 300 meters. Otherwise, she will never be able to go back home. She often forgets her way back because she is too busy remembering him.
The tree doesn’t have any leaves now because of the cold. Does this tree has the same luck as me? This tree is my road map. Am I his last road map of creating more Saras? Or he will continue to create more Sara like me. This is the other reason she wants to keep her wound fresh.
She often thinks, “I doubt my bubby could create many Sara’s. She was lying to me. She had played a game with me. Does he had taken bribery? or was it also a trick to create a gap or make a puppet?”
It does not matter anymore. The woman is defeated, but her love has conquered. Her proudly man has lost and love has conquered. She doesn’t have feelings left anymore.