The woman continues to write in excitement. Her mind is like a little child who keeps playing with the new toy. Her thrill was gone when the nurse came to tell her, “Can you take some rest now? People who work in the healthcare profession, are the hardest ones to take care of”.
She looks at the nurse and tries to make her innocent face. The similar face she had made to melt her Abu and mother. She used to squeeze her eyes and nose to look innocent. The nurse can melt too if hardcore Abu and mom had melted with this trick. She is right because the nurse smiles back at her. She asks the nurse,” Have I said anything under the effect of the anesthesia? The nurse looks at her,” You are still under the influence of anesthesia and not making any sense to me. Yes, you were talking to your boys and husband, but they were not there, though. You were hallucinating. Not to worry, I had seen people worse than you”. The woman could not tell the nurse that they always live in my heart, and nobody can see them except me.
The woman tells the nurse, ” Can you give me a few moments, please? I just want to write a letter to my almighty, then I will sleep.”
She feels her emotions are hard to control, which must come out of her through her words. Once, she expressed her feelings to a random person who had killed her soul later. He is the reason that she has surgery. She starts writing to her almighty.
First, I want to say thanks for giving my thumb back. I am so excited that I can use my thumb again. So, thank you very much. I appreciate your help. Please forgive me for fighting with you sometime. I want to let you know that I have a firm belief in you. I think that you live in my heart. You guide me on what to do or not to do. There are no demons that live inside of me. You live inside of me because you guide me the things to do something right, which some people think is not the right way to do it. I know that you are the one who periodically pushes me to bring the truth out. Why you always make me do it? I don’t mind doing it, but it takes some away from me. Maybe, you need to change the pattern of your reward for me. Otherwise, I will not listen to you.
I am sorry that I am not the same person anymore. How can I be the same person when my soul has brutally killed by a man whom I love most. Can you tell me why you have sent him in my life? When you knew that he wouldn’t be able to stand longer to protect me. Why he held my hand when he did not have the strength to fight back? Are you trying to prove yourself as a supreme power? Have you jealous that I have loved him more than you. Did you envious because I have trusted him more than you? Is this reason that you have made him so weak, which made him hide?
Dear almighty, I don’t like people calling me a gentle soul which is full of passion. How can my soul be kind if someone has killed already? I am not me anymore. I have adopted his name. Guess what nobody could come to help me. Some people were scared of him. Some of them were his people. Can you believe that I have repeated the same mistake for trusting my enemies? They were trying to harm me, but I thought that the family is always family. I listened to them. I thought people respect the relationship and words, but I was wrong. Instead of helping, they had made me their puppet. I know that I write the same thing repeatedly. People may think that I am overreacting. However, they don’t know about me, but you know me well. So, I don’t care what people think. I care only to share my pain with you. Yes, people call me insane, and they laugh at me, which does not bother me at all.
I have spent my entire life finding my roots. I waited whole life for him, but he left me in the middle of nowhere. I can neither go forward nor backward in this life cycle. Why had he come to the war zone when he did not dare to fight? No, I will never ask those questions from him. But I will continue asking those questions from you. I have given my life to you and him. Both of you are hiding instead of protecting me. Both of you don’t have answers for my million questions, which make you hideaway. My bubby is a man with power. Almighty, you are more powerful why two powerful could not save my love.
Dear almighty, it is not a matter of love only but also a matter of my entire life. It is a matter of hopes and dreams. Can you tell me how to live without a soul or aspiration? Do you know how many months are gone now? No, you don’t know, but you can ask the people who have listened to my screaming. Those people run away because they have a weak heart to hear my screams. They were not very strong people. My screaming is so loud, but why can you not listen to it. Almighty, why you don’t come to help me when I try to rip my heart out?
My bubby could not see my pain and tears but you should have come. Are you punishing me for my mistakes?
Almighty, you live in my heart. People maybe find you in a temple, church, or mosque, but I feel you in my heart. Why do you punishing my heart? Why have you broken the place where you live? It makes me laugh when some people try to find the old version of me. My bubby has forgotten that once I was someone’s daughter and his soul wife and love. He is human, but you are almighty. Why have you forgotten that I was once someone’s daughter? My bubby is everything to me. He has loved me so much. He never let me feel that I was orphaned. Now I feel alone standing in the middle of the road asking questions from you.
Dear God, recently, I try to find out where I belong. Guess what I don’t belong to anybody. As I said before, people leave me when they know about him. Some refuse to help me. Some left me with fear. My people have shunned me, which I don’t care anymore. However, I want you to wake up the soul of a sleeping person and make him realize his responsibility. Can you remind him to do his job being a man? Of course, not because God also listens to influential people only. Well, if you can’t make him remember his responsibility but at least you can give me more pain. I want you to give me a tremendous amount of suffering as much as you can. My suffering and pain will be the punishment of my bubby.
Dear God, don’t punish him because it will also hurt me. I want you to give me a pain directly. Have you ever loved someone from the bottom of your heart? You won’t understand if you never fell in love with somebody. Thank you again for returning my thumb. I will write to you soon.