The courage of Sardarni

The woman stands quietly by the window. She looks outside. The white snow has covered the entire land. Trees have not had leaves and look very sad.
She is quiet and sad. Her mind is empty. She feels pain in her heart. She thinks as her soul is dying slowly.

She thinks, “his soul has died a long time ago. My soul is dying slowly”. Her soul is empty, but the brain is full of many questions. She doesn’t feel alone anymore. She is not desperate to meet him. However, she still feels love for him. Yes, she still loves him.
She continues to grieve, but her grieve process circulates everywhere. The grieving process has never reached its final stage. Time continues to pass. She wonders why she doesn’t heal yet.
She standstill. She tries to look inside her soul, which is empty. There is no desire or spark left inside. There is no more fear. What she was afraid of?. She still doesn’t like talking to anybody, but of course, she doesn’t mind communicating with her words.
She feels that her soul is not only empty but also slowly dying. She involves herself in social media. She interacts with others. However, she asks for sorry if someone has tried to cross her self-made boundaries.
Her eyes are full of tears, but her look is sad and empty. She is sad because she can’t see him. She feels dejected and desolate because her world is empty without him. He was everything for her. She interacted with him, and she felt the world is full of happiness. He is gone, and so is her world.
She refuses to believe that a human could do such a thing. She has a hard time understanding how people could stay happy to destroy someone else, how their soul let them sleep during the night time.
People bring their friendship hands toward her, but she always refuses to hold it. Everyone looks a con to her. Even she knows that everyone is not the same, but her mind doesn’t accept it.
She often asks, “I cannot believe such type of people live in this world who doesn’t hesitate to hurt others.”
The family who has adopted her always advised her, “no, the world is not changed. It is always like this. You never came out of your cave. You talked to only him. There are nice people in this world. You lived away from social life or media”.
She shakes her head, “no, I do have a Facebook.” How many friends do you have on Facebook? She laughs, “no, Facebook is only to buy my ethnic dresses. I never needed a friend because he was everything for me. Why I needed to interact with someone else?”
Now, she interacts with others on social media. People talks like crazy on Twitter.
Life continues to pass. Everyone has a purpose, but she doesn’t have one. She thinks,” it is the circle of life which I must complete. I want to achieve this circle quickly. I need to go to Almighty’s house so I can ask him why he has written my painful destiny”.
Her brutal ill past and top of his abandonment make her life more miserable. “Should I forgive him? Should I curse him? It does not matter if I swear him. I will still feel the pain if he suffers. I am afraid that God will show him the same path of suffering. He won’t be able to tolerate it. He is a weak person. Why I thought he is a brave person”.
Thinking about him, her emotions get overwhelmed, and tears welled into her eyes. She thinks, “I wish that you come in front of me and talk to me and give me the answer what was my fault.”
She remembers the days of humiliation and taunting of others. Certain people wanted to see her dead. They did not get successful; then they started to play different games with her. She becomes a careless person when it comes to her pains now. She let other people go more down. She sigh, “I need to see how much a person can sell their soul for their interest”.
She spends her day listening to other’s problems. She turns her feelings into the words. “Okay, at least the words could not break my trust. The words won’t kill my soul”.
How about a long life ahead of her. She smiles,” what life? My life is already brutally murdered. I am born to complete my responsibilities. I cannot run from my duties.”
In reality, she has only her Banny and Ina boy; otherwise, she does not have anybody else. Her daughter knocks at her door to wake up the mother’s soul. The daughter has stopped asking lately. She knows well where the mother’s soul gone. Why her mother’s soul is dying? her daughter’s little mind has grown up than expected. Her daughter gets upset at her,” mom, can you just step outside the house? Can you date someone?”
She looks at her silly daughter but doesn’t give her answers. She could not tell her,” your mother came from the planet where the woman doesn’t date when someone else lives in the soul.”
Many people try to divert her attention. A doctor, a wing commander, and an engineer, and many more came forward to hold her hands, but she refuses. She doesn’t want to lie. She tells freely that “I love my man who still alive. It does not matter if he has abandoned her, but her love and feelings are not fake.

She never dated anybody in her life. For Indians, she was so advance, and for American, she is so backward. For Sikhs, she believes in Islam, and for Muslim people, she is Sikh. She does not care what another thinks, but for her, she belongs to one man.
You can see her courage. She talks openly about her relationship and feelings. She is not ashamed of it. She is proud of it that she loves him. Love is divine. Her father would be so proud of her but not mother, though. Mother always said that “don’t trust Muslims, they will backstab you.”
She stands in the middle again. As she often told her father, “Dad, we will just stand in the middle.”
Honestly, she is done with her life. Her life was begun with him and was ended the day he left him. She just passes her time now. Being a mother, she needs to take responsibility. She is not selfish; otherwise, she could have killed herself. She can suffer a lot but don’t want others to suffer. She always regrets why she fell in love with khan. Why with him?
Every day she waits for him. She stands in her window and waits for him. She knows well that her man won’t have the courage to come forward. She often leaves him a message, “can you save your Munna? I need you.”
No, how he could not hear her voice. He is deaf and mute. She prays to God, “Almighty, tell him that his beloved woman needs him. Her soul is incomplete and looking for another half of her soul. She loves you”.
The woman has a sign of courage, but a man doesn’t dare to accept reality. How about the people who keep them apart. Does his father read her pain? Does his mother feel another woman’s pain? Does he remember Munna when he looks at her mother?
She smiles and tells God, “Only a Sardarni could have this type of courage, not any other woman.”
She thinks, “I do, which is best for my love. Only a few people could have this type of passion. Only a few people get lucky to have a woman like me in their lives. What are you thinking, bubby? Are you happy with an artificial love which is dame based on money? If so, it is your loss. My almighty is with me. Each day I spend with pain, will make people suffer who give me a hell of a life. God’s action could be delayed but cannot never be”.
“Pain is miserable, but I don’t have many options because I have made my own choices, which is my love for him. He will have the courage one day to come forward and take responsibility, and I will always wait for that day.”
at the end a sardarni wons, and a Muslim man lost if we think about the religions
the woman wins, and the man lost if we talk about the sexism
the courage wins, and coward lose when we speak about the bravery
true love lost and greed won if we talk about greed.

A sheep cannot become a tiger just wearing a costume. The Courage shows the strength of a woman. The name has changed but the blood speaks truth only. Her veins are full of blood of a warrior.




2 thoughts on “The courage of Sardarni

  1. I suspect a lot of people have felt this empty at some point in their lives. There are all kinds of loss that can spark this. But, you are in a better place in terms of grieving than you were a year ago. I can see that in your posts and in your work.

    I really think a dog would help. When my father died and I was just 21 and living far from home, I took in a stray border collie and she was such a blessing to me. Dogs and cats make us laugh and think so far outside of ourselves. That is good for everyone. Blessings, Munna!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Nora. U r right. I am improving with your blessings and hard work of my mentor. Restless not common as used to be. Loss will be never filled but eventually I have survived. Blog has given me an opportunity to ventilate my feelings. It doesn’t matter what people think, however, i don’t have to depend on someone to share my sadness.
      Collies are the great and smart. I watch lot of video clips of animals specially dogs and cats which make me laugh. I start to pay attention to my work and I can conceal my tears at the public places😀. Thank you very much. I tell my boss, the chief of khan tribe, and now you,” you guys owe me in the previous life and now you guys are paying me back listening to my pain”. I am trying my best to bring old version of me. Thank you. God bless. I lost him but God also has given me a people like you, my boss, and khan family.


Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s