She sits sadly and thinks about what her life could have been if she had never met him. What could have been my life today if I had not spoken the truth?
She thinks, “My life could be full of dreams and desires today if I had not met him. In my thoughts, I could be climbing the mountains, walking on the fire, or swimming the ocean to meet my love.
The desire for a meeting with him could have still inside of me. I could still have faith and trust in others. I still could have a hope to live. I still could have eagerness inside of me. Nobody could have humiliated me. I could have still been living in my cave with pride and confidence. I could have respect and faith in the justice system of my native country. I could not be suffering like this today. My life could have been boring but not painful, though. My tears still could have been inside of my eyes. I never had a large family, but at least I still could have been talking to my cousin and sister”.
She sighs, “Yes, I still could have been on my job. Everybody could have counted on my reliability and credibility. I could have a successful professional life. I still could have respect for others. I could not have a paranoid personality. The experience could have been annoying but painless. Boring life could have been better than a painful life. I could not have asked many questions from Almighty. Nobody could have insulted me, and I never should have offended anybody. My soul could have searched for another part of my soul, which should still be alive. My soul could not have been wounded. The restless soul could be better than the wounded and dying soul. I still could have desires, hopes, and dreams. I might have met somebody else who could have been a better person than him. He could not have abandoned me. Today, I could not have been writing on the blog. I could have been living in the dark that the world out there was so lovely. Sometimes the darkness is better than the light. Sometimes, the hidden truth is much better than the revealed truth. I could have been unsatisfied, but at least not like a wounded soul. I may have continued to search for him. I should have not ripping my own heart out.
I could have been injury-free today. My head and heart could not have broken. My spine could have been healthy without any fractures. I can not be taking blood pressure medicine or any other medication. Many years I had spent him could still be there. I could be living in the truth. I was the woman full of confidence, but the lies and cowardliness of the man have broken everything.
How about if I had not spoken the truth. He still could have been with me. I already could have been married to him. He will always be the love of my life. He could have been still in love with me more than anything on earth. He may have been spending all the time talking to me. I could have been lucky about being a love f his life. I could have so proud of him. He could have been the hero and bravo of my life. He could have still been my pride. People always could be saying, “the perfect couple made for each other.” He still could have sworn on my head by saying that I can’t live without you. The home my man had built it for me could be my home instead of turning into my grave. I could have been the happiest woman on earth. I could have been writing or talking to him instead of writing a blog. My soul could have been pleased and satisfied. I could have been the luckiest woman on earth. Two bodies, but the soul could have been still one. I still could have been excited to do things for him. I could have been making a “to-do-list’ for him. I could have been the luckiest woman on this planet.
How about if I had been brought the truth forward, and my man had the guts to take responsibility for his actions. My life still could have been happiest. I could have more proud of him. I will feel that I have spoken the truth, and he had shown his bravery and had told the world that, “I love her. She is part of my life”.
The fire of humiliation and insult could have been contained inside of the walls. Nobody could know about me. I could have been happy to just communicating with him on the email. I could not have been crying and ripping my soul out of my body. I could be the most loving and luckiest woman on this earth. I could have been telling everybody that there is humanity still lives. His action of bravery could have been saved my life. I could have been sitting to have fun with my kids. He will always be my entire world. Nobody could have guts to make me like a puppet and use me as a weapon. Nobody could have the courage to insult me. Nobody could have the courage to point a finger on me. I could not have been missing my father and Abu. I could not have been an orphan today. I could not have been judging anybody, and nobody could have been going to judge me. I could still have been a woman hiding in her cave. I could have been going to visit my childhood place.
I could not have been disturbing anybody. He was my world, and my world could have been alive today.
However, it had depended only on the bravery of a man. He could have been still saying,” you are the love of my life. I will never leave you at any circumstances. I had not been searching for him everywhere. He was not supposed to hide from me. He could have been a man full of pride. He could have been a real Muslim, which he lost after abandoning his life and wife. He could be a real warrior or Pathan. Quran says,” The real man doesn’t give tears to a woman. The woman is the reasonability of her man”. He is not real Pathan or Muslim now. My life could have been happy. Everybody could be satisfied. I could not have been confused with many questions. I could not have been searching for many answers, such as why and how.” I will not have been asking who I. My trust and beliefs could not have been shattered.