You are loved

nativity scene table decor
Photo by Jessica Lewis on

She did not feel comfortable going back to her old job. However, she has needed to start her life somewhere. As a friend advised her,” start with grace.” Everyone knows her estranged soul man at his old work. She was afraid that someone would ask about him, which could break her down again.  Everyone knows him through her. All her colleagues often asked about him by his name in the past. Once, everybody had called them a perfect couple, which has made for each other by Almighty.

She had left for work praying to God,” give me a strength to work. My life is gone, but at least I can help others”. She drove on this particular road after a long time. Many memories are on this road, such as driving and walking with him in the school. Good Shepherd Lutheran Church is on her way to work. She knows this church very well. Someone always posts Jesus’s teaching written on the cardboard at the church land. Somebody change those teachings every week. She remembers that she had told the father that those postings were misaligned, which had conveyed the wrong message. She could not find the father, but she left the note for him to align the assignment correctly. Now, she smiled as she read the teaching of Jesus.” you are loved. The son of God loves you. God loves you. The good spirit loves you”.

She had stopped at the local country cafe, where she often bought the coffee. Her bubby always used to with her on the phone when she had ordered the coffee in the past. He knew well what kind of coffee she likes to order. She often told tell him,” let me order my coffee. Please don’t talk for a couple of minutes”. Sometimes it was hard for him to stop. On her way to work, she had stopped at the same cafe, but she was quiet. She felt happiness in the eyes of the cafe lady as she reached the window to get her coffee. The cafe lady asked while showing her beautiful smile,” where were you? I often think about you. I thought that you started to buy coffee at DD”.  She has bought coffee from this cafe for the past many years. Neither she asked the name of the cafe woman, nor the cafe woman asked her. But, they knew each other by face. She thoughts, “This cafe lady had been missing her absence. Does my estranged soul man miss me too?” She received the call from her mentor boss before she reached at work,” Be strong. Just ignore the gossip or any comment. Drive carefully. Don’t hesitate to ask for help. Hydrate yourself. Take it easy. I am just a  phone call away from you”.  She told him while smiled, “okay, father. Any other advice”.Her mentor boss continued to tell her, “Oh, I forget to tell you that don’t try to throw the printer in the garbage again. Restart it or call unit sec to fix if it jammed”. After she dropped the call, she felt that a father teaches her daughter what to do when she attends the school on the first day at the pre-school.

She has parked her car as usual, where she should not park, which is not something new. This is her favorite spot to park it. In the past, she even told the police officer, “Can you move your car somewhere else. I need to leave in the middle of the night, and you won’t be here to help me. Look at our hospital security. Do you think they can help me? No, they don’t, so you better park your vehicle somewhere else”.

This is the time when she often fought with him in the past. Her bubby wanted to talk with her more. He wanted to see her for another couple of minutes. She always told him, “I am getting late”. But no, he never listened to her all. She often told him, “Okay, I will do the video call with you while walking”. She thoughts in her mind,” where are you, today? Where have you gone now? Why have you left your Munna alone?  You should walk with me today. You are my strength. Don’t you think that I am also your responsibility? I wish that you should walk with me today. I want you to should hold my finger to help me cross the main lobby”. Then, it came to her mind that he has gone forever. She should learn how to walk alone. She stood a couple of minutes to bring her strength and spirit together because she felt her mind was getting heavy.

She broke down hysterically in this place in the past  Her colleague held her while tried taking her to the room. But she had stood in the middle of the ED, “No, my bubby is in trouble. I need to rescue him. I can’t live without him. I cannot breathe without him”. She was continued to scream. Many had cried when she was screaming. Everybody thought something terrible happened to him. Nobody believed that the man just walked out of her life in a few hours to punish her because she did disclosure everything in the family. Everyone used to think that nobody could separate them. She always called him ‘My bravo’ how her bravo man could leave her to die in this situation.

Neither he nor anybody else wanted to know in which circumstances she had open her mouth. She had continued to lose her mind while others started to pull her string. A brave woman has started to become such a sick person day by day. She lost control over everything, and people used her emotions and weakness for their gain. But, she continued to look for him. She went everywhere to find him, but all the doors were shut directly on her face. The woman who lived with grace and self-esteem has become a beggar and mentally ill.  Her courage has made her return to her previous place today. There is nobody to clean her tears, and she doesn’t need anybody to wipe her tears.

The old security guard saw her through the window and came out, “welcome back. I am glad to see you. I will be retiring in the next two days. I am so happy meeting you again before I leave this place forever”. She just said, “thank you.”

Everybody came together and clapped together as she reached at the nursing station, “welcome back.” Many have given her hugs. She felt love and affection. She was able to control her tears. She was able to bring a fake smile, but her heart was overwhelmed. She could not figure it out if it is overwhelmed by the love of her colleagues or old memories were trying to make her weak.

She had to support her neck with a collar many times during her long shift. One of the nurses did not mind fixing her collar. She smiled, “yes, I have to wear the collar on until I fix this problem with surgery. My boss wishes to put the leash on my collar, but he cannot succeed”. Everybody has laughed at her sense of humor. Inside she was burning with the pain. Her tears wanted to come out of her eyes. She told them,” I need to face it, so be quiet, stay inside of me. Don’t you dare come out until I command you?

In the end, she felt that everybody has cared about her. Everybody has done their best to make her first day easygoing. She thoughts, “They are not mine. I did not have any hopes or desires from them. However, they have proven themselves better than the man whom she loves”. Yes, she cried for one hour while driving back to her home.

She felt, “I am being loved by everyone.”

However, she continues to miss the love of a specific person. The person is her strength and motivation. She thoughts, “I don’t need the love of the entire universe. I just need him to survive and kill my demons”.

4 thoughts on “You are loved

  1. Beautiful writing. I think a lot of people will relate to this post, especially on Valentine’s week. But, I’m rejoicing with you in that you have the courage to come back and that you came back to a welcome! That is a blessing. ❤

    Liked by 3 people

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