The Confusion and Emotions

woman s face
Photo by Elina Krima on

The confusion and emotions have overwhelmed her because something has happened. It could have occurred due to long hrs of work shifts, which aggravated her condition. She had a headache as she left work. Both boys ran toward her as she entered the house.

Inna asks her, “why have you come so late?”
She walks directly upstairs, and both boys start to follow her. Finally, Banny asks, “Why are you so quiet? Why are you not smiling?”
Inna said, “Is everything okay at your work? Have you cried again”?
She is quiet. Her head hurts so badly, but she feels emotionally numb. This is why she ignores the boys. She takes the package out of her purse and tries to keep it inside the locker. Suddenly, the folder dropped to the floor when Banny jumped to get her attention. Both boys start looking at the documents before she says something to them.
Inna sighs, “Oh, it makes sense now. Why are you quiet? This is why you were trying to reach someone”.
Tears well into her eyes. Sadly, she says, “it doesn’t matter anymore. It is unnecessary now. We will burn everything in a bonfire tomorrow”.
Banny asks again, “You still have not told us why you have come late.”
She ignores the questions. She goes to bed directly after changing her clothes. She doesn’t want to watch TV or drink anything. She is quieter than her usual normal.
In the morning, she was so happy, but her sadness returned as the day progressed. She is pleased to meet with her old co-workers. Many could not resist their happiness, so they ran to hug her. Many have grabbed her phone to enter their contact numbers if she needs help. Later, she deleted all the numbers. “I don’t like calling anybody. I don’t want to disturb anybody”.
She has met her new boss for the first time. She has never seen this person before. Maybe he came here due to the state transfer, which she doesn’t care about. The new boss is from her native country. After talking about her professional life, he asked about her children and husband. She just smiled, “children have gone for good”

She could not say that the soul husband had become estranged and weak. He had forgotten her, but she did not. She still has the same passion and compassion for him. She still thinks that he is first and last. She could not say either, ‘It is none of your business.’ He loves what he sees but not what he feels.
She has politely told her boss,” He lives in India. He loves his uniform. no, I do not plan to go back soon, so don’t worry about my schedule problem. I may visit some friends and family but not at this time now”.

She shuts off the light. It is dark inside the room now. She closes her eyes and thinks,” sometimes I don’t know if I should laugh or cry. I can’t trust anybody because of him. I have become paranoid that someone will break my emotions again. This fear keeps me away from everyone. I do try my best, but suddenly it comes into my brain. I will be quiet again. I want to go back to the same world where I was before meeting him.
The world before and during his presence has now ended. She lives in a strange world now. He had taken everything away when he left. Now, my soul is empty and confused. My world is empty. My brain is full of questions and curiosity”.

She fails to understand why people use others’ emotions. Why do people leave someone to die alone in pain? She fails to understand why someone allows drowning others for their selfish behavior. They just watch how a person suffers before they drown her to death.

Her eyes are getting heavy now. She tells the boys, “We need to make ourselves stronger. We already know how to live alone. But, we need to learn how to survive without him or anybody else. We need to learn how to stop someone from invading our empty world. Then, we will live longer and happily. We will not care whatsoever what is happening out there. Let’s make a promise with an Almighty about it because we need his blessings to keep our promise. There will be a bonfire in the morning. It doesn’t matter if it snows or what. Please, remind me if I forget about the bonfire.

She tries to close her eyes, but Inna asks, “you still have not told us why you were late to come home?”

She smiles and tells the boys, “Silly me, my mind got busy remembering him, and I lost my way home, so I had to take a detour, which was longer than I expected.”

Both boys say,” seriously, mom, how long have you lived in this place, and how many years have you been driving on the same road. How could you forget.”

She smiles again, “Yes, I had walked with your father on the same road for many years. I have driven the car along with your father on the same road. I can remember him, but often I forget everything else because I am busy remembering him. I will write to him”.

Three of them went to sleep while talking to each other.

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