Certain things are hard to digest. One of them is an ugly truth. Some people face the ugly truth, while some run away to face the truth. Some become deaf, mute, and blind as nothing has happened around them. These types of people are selfish people. They are taught how to run away when the problem comes. Their soul is dead, and they are emotionally handicapped. Some chose to fight against the ugly reality; however, those fighters are very rare to find out nowadays.
Yes, the woman had faced the truth. She kept the promise. She took responsibility for her actions. She did what a person is supposed to do. She did what she was taught to do. But she did pay a huge price that nobody could do unless you were doing it for someone you love or care about.
The woman fought solo, and she continued to fight without consequences. It has broken her completely, but she did not give up. She is always the lone fighter, so she doesn’t seek someone’s help. Once, she went looking for help from her own people, but she had returned home with an ugly truth. The truth she hid in her subconscious mind was that she had nobody in this world. The man who was her soulmate, unfortunately, is not hers anymore. He often claimed to be Abu, mom, sister, father, brother, friend, everything. Of course, he did everything for her when the days were good. Now, all relationships are gone, so who would come to help the woman? She is not anybody’s wife anymore. She is not anybody’s sister, daughter, or a friend.”
She was the mother whose motherhood and emotions were also taken away. Her faith and trust were completely shattered. Once, she loved and trusted one person. Well, she doesn’t trust him anymore. She often wonders why love is still there while trust has gone to hell.
Often she scratches her head about why people get happy about the fake victory. Sometimes a person makes a choice that is best for them. The second person gets so happy and excited,” oh, they have chosen me over everybody else.” Seriously, use the brain to discover why the person made this choice.
There is a reason why that person doesn’t want to find out the ugly truth. They are too weak to face the ugly truth.
People talk and act differently. I refer to them as people with two faces. Each picture has two faces, and it depends on the person’s intellectualism to recognize the real face. People have many different personalities. For example, women are more emotional than men. Women cannot hide a single thing, but men can hide a mountain of emotions inside of them.
People say women think with their hearts, and men think with their brains to make decisions. It does not matter if women are smarter than men. Women have some specific hormones that could be why they use their hearts when they make any decision.
Today, the woman’s therapist asked her, “why are you not ready to move on?” The woman laughs first, then cries and tells her therapist, “Because my Ramadan started more than a year ago, which is continued to the date. My halal is continued, which also started more than a year ago. My pain is hidden, but it still throbs and pulsates deep down in my heart like lava and continues to burn my soul. My soul continues to suffer. Yet, my love and feelings for him have not changed at all. Neither the intensity of pain nor love has lessened. So how am I supposed to move forward?”
The woman sighed and started talking with her therapist,” the love of my life is still in trouble. He is not completely safe yet. The list of his sins and bribery could be longer than my love. But my love is stronger than that list. I will keep my promise until my last breath. I had given up everything. No, I cannot go back now. I can’t just forget him while enemies are sitting next to him with the list of evidence. Yes, he will be in trouble soon, so someone should be there to support him when he is alone, wondering what I should do. No, I won’t go close to him anymore. I love looking at him from a distance. The time will come, and reality will come out soon. No, he is not strong enough to face the ugly truth”.
A painful smile comes to her face. She says, “No, I don’t need antidepressants anymore. The pain has become permanent and doesn’t have any solution. I really don’t want to smile anymore. Okay, for me to cry and live in pain. I am afraid to smile or laugh. It is not a depression anymore. It is just fear, otherwise nothing else. I fear smiling. I am afraid to be happy. Due to my fear and insecurity, I am afraid of having any relationship. I love my pain and isolation. But, of course, I will call you if I feel suicidal.”
This was the last therapy session. She just said in a funny way, “What will my diagnosis be now? PTSD s/p loving someone too much. Persistent emotional pain and phobia are possibly resistant to happy pills.”
This was her last psychological therapy.
“Both love and deception are just another ugly name names of the ugly game.”