She tells him, “I am writing for you only. You may not remember me. But I will remember for both of us. I will keep the promises and love for both of us. You go ahead with your life. I will cry and mourn for both of us. Someone needs to mourn for our dying love”.
She prepares herself for the month of Feb. She needs to prepare herself for keeping her emotions hidden while working. She will not show her emotions while she is with the patient because her mind will be busy. At the desk, she often becomes weak and his memories come in her mind. This is the place where will be hard for her to keep the emotions under control. This was the place where she had cried a lot. This was the place where she was unable to control her tears. This was the place where her heart, soul, and brain had clashed with each other in the past.
Well, those two young students will keep her occupied at the desk. She won’t have time to remember him at all while working. Her car is enough strong to tolerate her crying. Nobody will see her tears while the music is loud in the car. She never wants her tears to be seen by anybody but she had lost control over it. Now she thinks, “Did God already know a couple of years ago when I had signed the students’ preceptor form that It would help me to save my professional life in the future when my personal life will be stuck in the turmoil”.
One day, she had stood at the bedside of the dead patient who just died a couple of minutes ago. She was already sad and depressed. She was ready to leave the patient’s room but suddenly she came back to whisper something in the patient’s ear. The nurses were busy cleaning up and the chaplain was still in the room. The family had not arrived yet. The family did not know that their loved one is extremely sick. They did not have an idea that their loved one has gone forever. The pale but still warm body of an elderly woman was motionlessly lying on the bed. She slowly whispered in the ear, “Can you convey my message to Almighty if he meets you on the judgment day that somebody waiting for you on the earth.
Tell him that someone hurting badly to meet her hubby. She needs your help. I will really appreciate it if you convey my message directly to him”.
The chaplain had stood on the other side of the dead patient. He heard little bet what she had told the dead lady. The chaplain often comes to visit her when she had lost the love of her life. He followed her outside the patient’s room to her desk. He said politely, “I did not have any idea how much you believe in Almighty. Be brave, he listens to everybody”. She just said, “No, Almighty cannot handle my pain because he is busy taking care of others. He has better things to do. I am nothing”. The chaplain asked her to hold his hands and he did pray to almighty before leaving the emergency room.
She prepares herself, “No more showing my emotions at the workplace. I will make an old version of me. I will keep my emotions in my heart and tears in my eyes while will keep my brain out to help others. I will follow my rule again that leaves my personal problem in my car, and leave the professional problems at the doorsteps of the emergency room”.
She will be working fulltime in her old workplace where everybody knows about her. They know what had happened. She had returned only once to the same place after she had suffered emotional trauma. One day was not bad but going for 10-12 days in a month could be a little harder. But everybody loves the doc in a cargo pant. Her mentor boss has made a promise to be close to her if she needs him. However, she also remembers what once her hubby bubby said, “don’t expect too much from others”. He is right on this point. Since the past year’s experience, she has learned not to trust anybody. She needs to live this life solo.
She thinks in her mind, “Yes, I need to live this life solo. It is a long time but there will be no quality of life which I had the wish for. It does not matter if there will be no quality of but I will live with my self-dignity and self-respect which is very important. How a person respects others when they don’t have respect for themselves? I will face every consequence of my life and actions. I will be solo but at least will sleep in peace except for my nightmares. I will live in a pain and he will live in the shadows of the killers. Am I thinking positively about life here? Making progress in my life?”
She is ready to take her pain as a positive sign, a gift from her soul love and hubby bubby, and the desire of God.