That is not her fault that she cannot control her emotions. She does not know how to control the tears. In this 8 billion people, there are only 3 people left for her. She does not like talking to two of those three people due to the fear. She rarely sees those two people. She backs up two steps away if those two try to come close to her or they attempt to talk with her. There is just agitation instead of love or affection when she talks to them. They are her responsibility so she cannot tell them to leave me alone. She says sorry in her mind, “I am sorry guys. All I can do to try keeping myself alive. I cannot give you any affection or love”. Those are the only two thieves left out of four which she loves a lot. Her fate took her two thieves away from her. She has been taken herself away from the remaining thieves.
She remembers what she used to hear from some wise people that your pain is only yours but for others, it is only a story. People get tired and bored to listen to the same story every day but your pain will never be relieved. Get used to it. Learn how to stay quiet if you cannot end your pain. Yep, her pain is endless and it will remain until she takes her last breath.
In some cultures, people say open the window of dying person’s room so the soul can leave to meet almighty. Her window is always open. It does not matter if the outside temperature is in minus degree. No, she does not leave the window open for the exit point of her soul. She keeps it open to look outside to see her one of thieve. She often looks outside through the window if he is standing outside.
Once, she had looked through the open door. Everybody was trying to tell her about the risk and benefits, and procedures, and plans of the care. She did not care or listen to what was very vital information. Her ischemic brain and infracted heart was not her priority. She had continued to look outside the door waiting for him. She did not want to miss in case his soul had woke up and he has made a decision to come. Later, she laughed, “People never come who are gone forever. How he would come because he does not know what is happening to me. People won’t come if you are dying or sick. This is an era of darkness and selfishness. Those times have gone now when people used to feel for the person if they even met them for a few seconds.
3rd person is also her family member. She cried hysterically. As usual, she talked and cried at the same time. She cried because she was missing him a lot. She was on the phone but she excuses and turns off the phone. She cried. Her soul, heart, and mind cried. She is not sure if her soul or heart or mind cried more. She has cried until she had fallen into sleep. She asked her family, “Make a pinky promise with me. You will reach him if something happens to me. You will tell him how much love him. Mucho love. Please also tell him that she only loves you but not your money as I was blamed by someone. Tell him that he could not become a man while she was alive. Tell him to be a man when she dies. He should bring the courage to her proper burial where she always wanted. The burial should be done by the family. He is my only family, but he is also my mom, dad, chachu, Abu, and my hubby bubby.
The same 3rd person once told her after looking at his picture, “what is the wasting of beauty?” She thinks that beauty is not being wasted because it is reserved for one person”.
The mentor cum boss often says, “why is the wasting of education and brain for someone who does not appreciate”.
She laughs and tells, ” bring the owner of this beauty. Bring the man who is the power of her genius brain”.
Everybody could say things but nobody has the courage to do it anything. This is where she gets separated from the others because she believes in action and commitment.
Later she writes the 3rd person again, “I am sorry for annoying you. You are not obligated to do anything”.
After writing the last lines, she blocked the phone number of this gentle person. Nobody is obligated to her except her hubby bubby. He is obligated to me. Why other people should do the obligations? He is failed to do his responsibility, why other people need to suffer for his cowardice.
People say that this world is crowded, but she thinks it is too empty. She will be totally alone within 6 months if she continues to treat her thieves with this attitude. She can feel it. Time is coming soon. Only words will remain with her which will help her to communicate.
She thinks, “It will be a miracle now because the man has become deaf, blind, and mute. His soul has died”.
Hope is gone now but she will wait for the miracles. The pain most of the time remains intense. The only god listens to her screaming but when it starts to boil like lava and start causing throbbing type pain in heart, The god becomes numb when she tries to rip her heart out and asks God, “Take me back if you could not bring my love back. You arent a good God any more. I don’t like you anymore”.
when she goes to sleep who knows if God wipes tears or the pillow wipes it. Next day, the same story and same tear, and same pain, which will never end.