I always heard that the deer has beautiful eyes, but I never have seen directly into the eyes of this beautiful creature of God until last winter. In my native country, I heard people comparing the beautiful girls’ eyes with the eyes of the deer. I love animals and birds. I think they have more humanity than the humans. My both kids have dark huge black wide eyes which were once described as a “Killer Eyes” by my friendly neighbor. My neighbor had joked many times to me, “I would need to lock up my three girls inside the house when they would grow up”. Now, she doesn’t have to worried about it because I had moved to a different state. Of course, she was right because both my kids have beautiful eyes. I was really proud of their beautiful eyes. But, my proud was gone the day I had seen the beautiful eyes of a dying deer.
One winter night, the heavy snow was falling. There was no visibility on the road. I was on my home driving back from my work around 3 am. Of course, the snow removal vehicles had not come out yet cleaning the countryside road because they were so busy cleaning the city roads. Who should I blame now? The deer has got his strength to run so fast. Should I blame almighty why he has given the deer so much power to run fast? Should I blame my karma that my love and life had snatched away from me, so both my mind and brain were so stressed out? I was so busy in my thoughts that I did not have a clue that the deer would come from nowhere. Or It was the night that the deer should die. Had he chosen me to kill him? Now, I often ask those questions from me.
The country road just a few yards away from my home is not wide enough. I was not driving so fast because of the heavy snow and zero visibility. Suddenly, I saw the deer ran from one side of the road trying to cross the road. He was too fast. He did not give me a chance to blink my eyes. so, how I could have suddenly press the break of my vehicle. it could be very dangerous when you suddenly pressed the brake system of your car while snowing or raining. Underneath the fresh snow, there is always ice. The heavy snow had been continued falling for the past fourth days. The deer was so fast to run, but he still hit himself with the front bumper of my car. I thought he had lost his life because he was just a few seconds late to cross the road. It appeared the impact was so strong because one side of the front bumper was totally separated from its original place.
I saw him flowing toward the side of the road. I immediately stopped my car and called 911. I went to search for the deer into the ditch.
I was so nervous. I was not making any sense to the dispatcher. She thought that my car had hit somebody who was not sure if I said hurting a human or a deer. I made her confused by saying, “I think that I have just killed somebody with my car”. She immediately placed the call to the police and firefighters. I could not tell them my location but of course, they have their way to find everything.
I could not wait for them. I found the deer who was still alive in the ditch. He was still breathing but was not restless at all. He was lying on the ice while the snow was falling on the top. First, I thought that the snow might slow down the blood circulation which helps to prevent excessive bleeding. I held him in my lap. I searched his body with my phone flashlight to find any blood. There was no trace of blood on his body. I wrapped him with my cashmere and wool-blend coat. While waiting for the cops to arrive, I have kept his head on my thigh. I started to comfort him. I had started to cry and asked for sorry from him. I don’t know whether he was a boy or girl, but I called him, “Deer boy’ because I used to call my doggy, “Banny Boy”. He looked into my eyes. He looked very comfortable. I did massage his head and kissed multiple times his cheek while saying, “I am so sorry, boy. I did not see you at all. Please forgive me. I just lost my Banny boy a few months back, and I have just lost my loving hubby bubby. Please forgive me, I am not in my full sense because I have lost everything which you can imagine I owned and loved. Don’t die, please. Wait for the help”.
Maybe God was busy saving someone else at that time. The cops and ambulance also reached late due to snow. Or it was really his time to go. Or I supposed to be the reason for his death. So, the deer with the beautiful eyes had taken his last breath in my laps. The firefighters, ambulance crew, and the cop had arrived after the beautiful creature was already gone to the almighty. The young cop who was very well known to me. He started to laugh hysterically when he saw me crying for the dead deer. Well, they did not mind making jokes either. One of them said, “do you want to take the deer to your emergency room?” while another said, “Oh, you might know who is the neurosurgeon and trauma surgeon on-call today. Can you call them while we are taking the deer to your department, he might need a couple of surgeries”. I kissed the deer again and told him, “say hi to my Banny and Inayat Boys. I am a really sorry, boy.
I left the scene after calling the emergency crew, “Cruel and Bad People”. All of them knew me very well. Suddenly, they realized that their sense of humor did not help me at all. The young cop said, “Hey doc, you go home and get some rest. It is outa very cold here. You may need to go to work in the morning”. He had sensed my question, “I am calling the animal emergency services”. I did not want to leave the beautiful deer dead all night long in the minus degree temperature”.
After ten minutes, my doorbell rang, and the young cop was on my doorstep holding my coat. He told me that the animal emergency services came to pick up the deer. He also provided me their number to follow up. I know the young cop was just trying to comfort me. He knew me well. Many times he came to rescue me when my car had gone into a ditch due to snow. He knew how I might be feeling. The person who spent her entire night saving others’ lives has just killed accidentally a beautiful creature. I filled his coffee mug with a warm coffee and reminded him, “Officer, I will be fine. Please go and help other needy people on the road”.
Next Day, I had taken my coat to the cleaner for dry cleaning which arrived after one week but the coat is still in the downstairs room. I don’t mind reusing this winter because the beautiful deer had taken last breath in the coat. Of course, both my kids also laughed the next day looking at my car. Often, the beautiful eyes of deer and his dying face come in front of me when I drive in the snow. I can not say anymore that I have not killed an animal. Maybe it was God’s desire. However, I will never forget those beautiful eyes and the soft touch of his face and head.
I called and continue to call him, “boy” but it was dark even I did not know whether the deer was a girl or boy. However, I know he was a beautiful creature which was created by almighty, and humans had called him, “a deer”.
He often comes in my prayer now,” God, please let him rest in the peace. Make him an angel as you have made my Ina and Banny boy. Please let him join me as my angel. I was the one who sent him to heaven”. It also raises a question in my mind that one of the ancestors was a great hunter because two horns of deers were in my ancestor’s living room kept as a “showpiece”.
God Bless his beautiful soul.