Some people believe in hope, while others believe in fate. Everybody has their own beliefs and faiths. Does a person’s view change throughout life? Of course, our faith and beliefs can change anytime. Nothing is permanent in this universe. Many external forces, including personal experience, could change our faith. Everybody has their meaning of reality and perception. The person understands well what is in their mind. The person can feel their own pain. Others can only just imagine the pain of others. Each person has their own imagination and thoughts. A person can have sympathy or empathy for somebody but can not feel the individual way.
Does anybody want to be sad or cry all the time? Does anybody want to be poor, or does anybody have the desire to stay away from the basic necessity of daily living? Does anybody want to stay sick or in pain? No, everybody wants to be healthy, happy and wishes to have at least the basic necessity of life. Everybody has personal needs. Somebody wishes to be rich or loaded with money. Some want to climb the mountains, while others want to be at the top of their career. Everybody lives on hope. Hope to bring the person some strength to fight obstacles in life. Hope gives birth to their desires and dreams. The person can only hope, but a person’s fate controls everything.
Once upon a time, she used to believe in hope. She often thought that a person makes their own fate. She used to live in hope. She did have some desires and dreams that she waited to be fulfilled. That particular hope had given her the strength to fight back against any obstacle in her life. No doubt, she had succeeded and won each war. Of course, the hope made her a survivor from the victim. She never believed in materialism. She did not dream of living in the mansion, or she did not want to be at the top of her career. The young girl from the countryside had only one desire and dream. No doubt, the same dream, and desire continued to grow inside her when she moved to the west of the world.
Her living place had changed, but her dream and desires had not changed. She hoped that one day her desires and dreams would be fulfilled. The same dream came into her life often. The next day, she woke up from her sleep with the same hope that her desire and dream would be fulfilled. Hope to complete her desires and dreams had given her enough strength to fight each battle. Her dream was very simple: she would meet the love of her life one day and spend the rest of her life with him.
No doubt, she had met him. She waited for her entire life and then finally she met him. Her restlessness was gone, and she felt safe and secure. This was the first time she felt satisfied. She could sleep now, and she did not have any bad nightmares anymore. She was the happiest woman on this earth after meeting the man of her life. What else was more needed?
The hope had brought him into her life, but her bad fate had taken him away. Should she blame her fate? Or she should blame somebody’s greediness, selfishness, or cowardliness. It doesn’t matter anymore. The damage is already done, so there is nothing important about who she should blame now. The dream and desires have been burnt, so what is the meaning of this hope in her life?
Real love happens only once. She does not believe in a line of thrones. She believed only in a soul love that had come into her dream every night. Now, she just believes in fate. It is good enough that she breathes now. Life has changed significantly and dramatically in 2 hrs. It was not the hope which had changed her life. It was a fate that had changed her life completely.
On New Year’s Day, she decided to remain happy for the rest of the remaining life. She even went to work for six hours. There were no hope, desire, or dreams in her mind when she left her home in the early morning. She decided or compromised that she would live in happiness from now on. Fate laughed at her. The fate told her that there should be hope, desires, and dreams, but you have none of them. Fate is right. Her desires, dreams, and hopes were brutally killed. Medical therapy, which we call antidepressants, mood stabilizers, and hormone supplements, has failed to make her happy. People’s good advice fails to make her laugh. Somebody has buried her happiness, desires, dreams, and hopes in a beautiful valley heavily covered by her fate. Her fate is controlled. She does not have hope or desire or dream anymore that, “She will meet him after climbing the mountains, swim the ocean, and walks on the fire, and she will meet him standing on the other end”.
Suddenly, her fake smile was replaced with a strange sadness. A registration clerk has sat near the exit door of the emergency department. A unit is a locked unit. The registration staff opens the door from inside the ED while the security guard opens the door outside for the patient and visitor entrance. She never met this registration clerk. She went to pick up the coffee from the cafe, which is just outside the ED. The clerk told her suddenly, “Happy new year, doc; you are already looking good”. It triggers her mind,” why does it mean?. Do I know her? I have never seen her before, so how could she compare if I look good or same or the worse”.
Sadness is not good for your body and mind. Life needs some aim to live on. There is nothing left in her life to hold on to. Yes, it is real. Her life has ended. Why are there still tears? Why is it still sad? Why is it still ripping pain? No solution. No treatment. What is the quality of life if the body and mind continue to hurt? It is all dark. She backed up again to a zero point. She has given up. She doesn’t fight anymore. She has become careless.
She still sees only one face, which is written in her fate. She can’t fight with herself anymore. Now, how can she fight fate? Everywhere there is darkness. It feels there is apocalyptic. Her mind is empty, so everything looks empty to her. Her soul is half missing, so she feels alone even when sitting in the crowd. Sadness completely covered her mind. She gets scared when she thinks about walking alone. That is the reason she lives for a minute at a time.
It makes her think that the silence, the lies, and the cowardliness of one person have led her life to the end. Why does a person make promises or commitments when he can’t keep them? Why do we abandon someone knowing that the end won’t be good? It feels similar to sending someone to a life sentence or a hell zone. She told him many times to shoot her. She always wanted to live a quality life. She cries hysterically and tells him,” good, you are away from me. Good, you cannot see my tears. I know you won’t feel it either. You should not have done this. It was okay to shoot me instead of abandoning me to die every day. Both you and God are blind, deaf, and mute. I don’t know who is superior to you or God. I don’t like either of you guys. Both you and God are not good ones”.
Now, this is her everyday routine. She suffers from the pain and says, “I suffer similarly to a fish thrown away from the water. People mercy on the fish and throw her back into the water. Her case is different. She will continue to suffer until she ends the life herself or God takes her away, which depends on her fate.
She will continue to hurt and fight with God and herself until then. Time will tell if she wins or demons. Don’t get surprised when she wakes up the next morning to pray to her Babaji, “I am sorry, I have said bad about you and him yesterday. I’m really sorry. You know me very well. Who else should I fight now?. It does not matter if he is good or bad, but he is mine. It should not matter to you if I am good or bad. You are the only one left for me to fight. Don’t blame me for why I blame you. So now you have to tolerate me too. Talk to you later”. She wipes her tears and starts to walk around in her room.