Some people believe in hope while others believe in fate. Everybody has own beliefs and faiths. Does a person’s view change throughout life? of course, our faith and belief could change anytime. Nothing is permanent in this universe. Many external forces including personal experience could change our faith. Everybody has his or her meaning of reality and perception. The person understands well what is in his or her mind. The person can feel his or her own pain. Others can only just imagine the pain of others. Each person has its own imagination and thoughts. The person can have sympathy or empathy for somebody but can not feel the individual way.
Does anybody want to be sad or cry all the time? Does anybody want to be poor or does not anybody have the desire to stay away from the basic necessity of daily living? Does anybody want to stay sick or in pain? No, everybody wants to be healthy, happy and wish to have at least the basic necessity of life. Everybody has personal needs. Somebody wishes to have rich or loaded with the money. Some want to climb the mountains while others want to be the top of their carrier. Everybody lives on hope. A hope bring the person some strength to fight with obstacles of life. Hope gives birth to their desires and dreams. The person can only hope but it is a person’s fate which controls everything.
Once upon a time, she used to believe in hope. She often thought that a person makes their own fate. She used to live in hope. She did have some desires and dreams that she waited to be fulfilled. That particular hope had given her the strength to fight back any obstacle of her life. No doubt, she had succeeded and won each war. Of course, the hope made her a survivor from the victim. She never believed in materialism. She did not take a dream to live in the mansion or she did not want to be the top of her carrier. The young girl from the countryside had only one desire and dream. No doubt, the same dream, and desire were continued to grow inside of her when she moved to the west of the world.
Her living place had changed but the dream and desires had not changed. She did have a hope that one day her desires and dreams will be fulfilled. The same dream came into her life often. Next day, she had woke up from her sleep with the same hope that her desire and dream would be fulfilled. Hope to complete her desires and dreams had given her enough strength to fight each battle. Her dream was very simple that she would meet the love of her life one day and she will spend the rest of life with him.
No doubt, she had met him. She waited for her entire life and then finally she had met him. Her restlessness was gone and she felt safe and secure. This was the first time when she felt satisfied. She could sleep now and she did not have any bad nightmares anymore. She was the happiest woman on this earth after meeting the man of her life. What else she was needed more.
The hope had brought him in her life but her bad fate had taken him away. Should she blame her fate? Or she should blame somebody’s greediness, selfishness, or cowardliness. It doesn’t matter anymore. The damage is already done so nothing important who she should blame now. The dream and desires have been burnt so what is the meaning of this hope in her life.
Real love happens only once. She does not believe in a line of thrones. She believed only in a soul love that had come into her dream every night. Now, she just believes in fate. It is good enough that she breathes now. Life has changed significantly and dramatically in 2 hrs. It was not the hope which had changed her life. It was a fate that had changed her life completely.
On the new year day, she had decided to remain happy for the rest of the remaining life. She even went to work for six hours. There was no hope or desires or dreams in her mind when she left her home in the early morning. She made a decision or compromise that she would live in happiness from now. Fate laughed at her. The fate told her that there should be hope, desires, and dreams but you have none of them. Fate is right. Her desires, dreams, and hopes were brutally killed. The medical therapy which we called antidepressant, mood stabilizer, and hormone supplements are failed to make her happy. People’s good advises are failed to make her laugh. Somebody has buried her happiness, desires, dreams, and hopes into a beautiful valley that is heavily covered by her fate. Her fate is controlled. She does not have hope or desire or dream anymore that, “She will meet him after climbing the mountains, swim the ocean, and walks on the fire, and she will meet him standing on the other end”.
Suddenly, her fake smile has replaced with a strange sadness. A registration clerk has sat near the exit door of the emergency department. A unit is a locked unit. The registration staff opens the door from inside the ED while the security guard opens the door from outside for the patient and visitor entrance. She never met this registration clerk. She went to pick up the coffee from the cafe which is just outside the ED. The clerk told her suddenly, “Happy new year doc, you are already looking good”. It triggers her mind,” why does it mean?. Do I know her? I never have seen her before so how she could compare if I look good or same or the worse”.
The sadness is not good for your body and mind. Life needs some aim to live on. There is nothing left in her life to hold on. Yes, it is real. Her life has ended. Why still tears? Why still sadness? Why still ripping pain? No solution. No treatment. What is the quality of life if the body and mind continue to hurt. There is all dark. She back up again to a zero point. She has given up. she doesn’t fight anymore. she has become careless.
She still continues to see only one face which is written in her fate. She can’t fight with herself anymore. Now, how can she fight with fate? Everywhere is darkness. It feels there is apocalyptic. Her mind is empty so everything looks empty too her. Her soul is half missing so she feels alone even she sits in the crowd. Sadness is completely covered her mind. She gets scared when she thinks to walk alone. That is the reason she lives for a minute at a time.
It makes her think that the silence, the lies, and the cowardliness of one person have led her life to the end. Why a person makes promises or commitment while he can’t keep it. Why we abandon someone while knowing that the end won’t be good. It feels similar to send someone to the life sentence or a hell zone. She told him many times to shoot her. She always wanted to live a quality of life. She cries hysterically and tells him,” good, you are away from me. Good, you cannot see my tear. I know you won’t feel it either. You should not have done this. It was okay to shoot me instead of abandoning me to die every day. Both you and God are blind, deaf, and mute. I don’t know who is superior to you or God. I don’t like both of you guys. Both you and God are not good ones”.
Now, this is her everyday routine. She suffers from the pain and says, “I suffer similarly to a fish who is thrown away from the water. People mercy on the fish and throw her back to the water. Her case is different. She will continue to suffer until she ends the life herself or God takes her away which also depends on her fate.
Until then she will continue to hurt and fights with God and herself. Time will tell if she wins or demons. Don’t get surprised when she wakes up the next morning to pray to her Babaji, “I am sorry, I have said bad about you and him yesterday. I am really sorry. You know me very well. who else I should fight now?. It does not matter if he is good or bad but he is mine. It should not matter to you if I am good or bad. You are the only one left for me to fight. Don’t blame me for why I blame you. so now you have to tolerate me too. Talk to you later”. She wipes her tears and starts to walk around in her room.