The young woman entered into the funeral home with two young children. She held both kids so close to her as she was in fear if somebody would steal her children away. She was not crying but she was sad and calm. Everybody looked at her as she approached the coffin. She stood by the coffin thinking something in her mind. Suddenly, she realized that everybody was looking at her. She thoughts in her mind, “Are they thinking why I am not crying. Are they thinking that I am in shock?. Should I be here in a traditional dress? Everybody is in a traditional outfit but why I am still in the same clothes from the past two days. Why I cared about today. I was already labeled as, “careless”.
She looked at the coffin. He was resting quietly. His face looked calm. Her brother in law had dressed him nicely. Suddenly the woman told her son, “Son, it is a time to say goodbye to your father”. Her son cried as he had kissed his forehead. She holds her son tightly, “Okay to cry. I am here for you. I am your father and mother both from now”. She let her little girl kiss her father last time. The boy was old enough to know that his father was gone to almighty. However, her little girl did not know anything. She pulled the little girl’s hand away as she tried to grab his nose. Her little girl always disturbed him early morning every day, so he could wake up to play with her. Her little girl was trying to do the same thing but she interrupted her, “let your dad sleep in peace”.
Now was her turned. She kissed his forehead, “Rest in peace. Be a good man in Babaji’s house. I forgive you today for the last eight years. Please forgive me if I had done anything wrong with you”. She did not cry at all. Suddenly something came in her mind as she started to turn around. She spoke in his ear, “Sorry for not loving you. You asked me two days ago if I ever loved you. I told you that time, “Do you want me to lie”. I did not know that would be our last conversation. I could not love you because you had not given me a chance to fell in love with you. But it is too late now. so please rest in peace and don’t disturb others anybody there”.
Now she thinks, “He never disturbs me either. He never comes in my dream. He never gives me nightmares either. He must realize at God’s house what he had done. Oh no, actually he realized every morning when he was alive what had done. This is why he used to say, “I am sorry what happened but I love you”. What she used to say, “Yeah right man, break somebody’s head and then say, oh I am so sorry. You earn love with love. I am here with you because you are the father of my children. You love them and they love you. You are not my husband”. She always refers to him as the father of my kids instead of my late husband.
Everybody got busy in a final ritual but she quietly left the funeral home with her children. Her brother in law had followed her, “why are you leaving? where are you going?”. Her mother in law also arrived. She asked both of them, “Did you guys know about his monster behavior? Did my mother knew about his behavior before my marriage”? Both did not have an answer for her. She said, “Mommy, mother knows her children well. You have raised my children so far but I still know what my bald head is capable to do. I promise you that I won’t be allowed my children to hurt anybody. It is my time to go now. I want to raise my children away from materialism and fake world. I want to raise my children away from both families. I will let them make a decision when the time will come”.
Nobody could stop her that day. She was out of hell after eight years. All she was carrying her two children, her strength, and her education. She left everything behind to start a new life. She has raised her children by herself but with the blessing of almighty. She lost in the world raising her children. They were everything to her. Her children were her priority. Three of them had their own world and Banny had joined them a few years later. Often her son told her mother, “Banny has so attached you. He doesn’t leave you alone. Let’s give him some alcohol to see if he is a reincarnation of my father”. Both son and mother would end up laughing. Her little girl asked to share with her, “Can you guys share with me so I could enjoy laughing”. No, both never shared with the little girl for a long time. They hid the secret from her.
She won’t call her boy ‘bald head’ anymore. she calls him now a big boy. His scalp is full of thick black hair. He still has his killer smile. His eyes still laugh when he laughs. However, her big boy has become mature than his age. First, she was afraid of a strange fear but her son proven her wrong. He looks like his father but not his behavior and personality. She often thanks almighty. There is no doubt where he has inherited his personality as a man of few words. Her little girl is also grown up now. Her daughter exactly looks like her. She was five when she found out her daughter not only look like her but also has her personality. She thought suddenly, “No, she won’t be me. I will never overprotect her”. She never overprotected her children. Both of them have a strong personality and ready to face any challenge. Their life was going on easy and on the same track for many years. All of them has shared their feelings. She always tells them, “No secrets, and no lies. Be a good human”. She never overprotected them but she also has given them which once her father has given to her, “Honesty and Humanity”.
The boy knew about his father but the girl never knew about him. Her son tried to tell his sister many times but she always told him, “he was your father so he deserves a respect”. They have lived happily afterward. Banny joined later. The boy’s sorrow was gone due to the love of his mother who stood by him as father and mother. However, her sorrows were gone deep inside of her. Every Nov 9th she has taken both children to the temple pray for his peace. However, the boy could not keep the secret and told everything to his sister about his father’s monster behavior. Both children have a sense of humor. They talk to each other, “Let’s see who turns like a father”. They make sure the mother listens to them because they know what would mom says, “He was your father so he deserves the respect”. Both children immediately react, “seriously mom”.
The woman has completed her promise. The well-groomed and grounded individuals were allowed to meet both sides of the family. Both have proven their strength when she went into hell recently.
Sitting nowhere and looking at the white snow, she thinks, “A woman will be very lucky who will mary her big boy one day I am so proud of him”. She thanks to almighty giving her two children. Of course, Banny never liked them when It comes to mom-children love. Banny just could not say, “Mom, I don’t like your nasty hooman kids because they like to steal my mom”.
The eight years she lived in a hell zone. Every weekend for eight years, she faced the monster. It had become a story for others now but she lived a life which was so painful. She made it because of her strength and hope. She did become a role model for others when it came to domestic violence,” You could do this. You are a survivor, not a victim”. However, someone came and took everything away from her. This last 11 month was actually worse than those eight years because there is no hope, trust, strength, or dream left. Until now, it was a secret of the family. She shared with only one person who she trusted and loved most but he failed her. She remembers what he had said to her. He was no outsider when she shared with him. He has lived in her soul for so many years when she was fighting with the demons. He was her hope and dream. He meant everything to her. She passed the journey of hell to just meet him one day.
Life shows us many up and down in life. Up to us give up or fight back. She fought enough, “Now I am tired. Just want to get rest”.
Suddenly came into her mind and started to write an email to remind her children, “Don’t forget going to the temple on Nov 9th”. She suddenly smiled because she won’t have to listen from her children this time, “Seriously mom”.