A Broken Soul

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Reposting from my previous blog
Freedom has a cost and prize. Getting freedom is not a very easy task. The freedom may cost many sacrifices and losses. Freedom has its own definition.  It depends on the nature of freedom. who wants freedom or why we want to be free? What is making you a prisoner?  Why do you think it is a prison? what is the main reason that you want to come in front of everybody? I am not talking about the outlaws. The person could be a prisoner of his or her own mind. You don’t have to do something against the law. Sometimes, you just do the things against your own desires because you don’t have many options left. You struggle to make a decision about what is right or wrong. You make mistakes which you do not have control over. You still want to repeat that mistake because you feel yourself incomplete or unsatisfied. Being unsatisfied is a game of hunger. You can fight with the world, but win or lose depends on your determination. However, it is hard to fight with your inner self which we called a soul. For a human, it is very difficult to win his or her soul because the human mind is greedy and confused. 

The story is about one of my patients. Due to confidentiality, her real name has been changed so I will refer her as Max. She is an alcoholic and homeless. For the past five years, I get the chance of meeting her at least 2-3 times a week. The police officer often picks her up from the different stores. Of course, she always comes drunk, and some minor abrasions/cuts on her forehead.  I have never seen her sober. She never comes with valid medical complaints. All staff members love her.  They do not often get frustrated due to her alcoholism. Yes, I always agree with the staff.  I never paid attention to her until last night. Today, there is a specific reason that I have paid her some attention. Max is a 45 years old alcoholic without any psychiatric issues. Of course, everyone blames her for his own condition.  Everybody hates going close to her because she never takes a shower or changes her clothes or brushes her teeth. The entire staff or Max herself doesn’t know when she has changed her clothes last time or has taken a shower. 

How about Max? what was her life five years ago? Nobody has made any attempt to know her story. Yes everybody has blamed her alcoholism for being her homeless and jobless. Each time, the medic or the police officer has found her on the floor being intoxicated; of course, we always provider her the best medical care which includes scanning her head to make sure she does not have an intracranial bleed. We don’t have any choice expect to discharge her back to the street when she gets sober. Sometimes, the social worker had made attempted to send her to rehab. Max always returns on the streets within a week or so. None of us raises the question to find out what is an actual reason behind her alcoholism. Last night, The police officer and EMS crew have brought Max with the same issues. Everybody including the hospital staff, paramedic, and cops standing outside of her room, and busy blaming her. 

Suddenly my friend’s recent trauma came in my mind. I confronted everybody. I asked many questions from myself and others but none of us came to conclusions. Everybody thinks Max is responsible for her own condition. Everybody also admitted that Max should be somewhere in the rehab facility or should be locked down for her own or others safety. The country is already facing healthcare issues. Most mental health and rehab/addiction facilities have been shut down due to a financial budget issues.

It was a very slow day in the ED so I just sat by her. She was a little hesitated first. She loves eating foods. So I bought some hot coffee with donuts. As against the rules, I did sit by her and ate my breakfast with her. Suddenly her facial expression changed and tears had covered her cheeks. She did thanks. She said slowly nobody care about her since she was 13th years old. Max said some people came forward to help her but got their fees by raping her including her stepfather and brother which left a non-erasable impression on her both mind and brain. It hurt my own feeling that how easily we made a judgment against somebody. so please help those kinds of people without making any judgment. Sometimes those people just need little empathy, loving, and tender care. Yes, we as a society certainly make a difference.

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