Everybody has a different meaning to life which depends on everybody’s personal view. Everybody defines the meaning of happiness, sadness, or life from their prospect point of view. A Wiseman or a philosopher had defined simply why we live? He said simply the person has a meaning to live such as hope, love, dreams, and desire to learn.
my life is already ended if happiness, hope, dreams, desires are the factor to live. “maybe, I am born to suffer”.
“I am really exhausted and tired but still alive. Am I alive? Does breathing calls itself, “living”? what is the meaning of my life now? Am I born to create two other healthcare professionals? I can’t tell myself anymore that I am born to save lives”.
Does the meaning of life is dressing up nicely and having a fake smile?”I just breathe. I have nothing to do except making this over-populated world crowdier’.
Tear wells into her eyes but she makes sure the tears won’t shed out of her eyes, “what is my life. There is no hope, no desire, no happiness. Even I have lost my daily routine. I struggle every day. I know how I spend each second of life. Yes, I am really brave who is still alive to breathe”.
Her son was right, “don’t be a saint. Can you just try to be a simple human? Nobody could be like your father. No child wants a father like mine”.
How I live now. I don’t have any specific time to sleep or get up. I am not worried about the time clock or alarm. There is no lunchtime or dinner time. I don’t talk to anybody except my two children. I don’t need to talk to them but I have to talk to them. I talk to them also very simple kind of conversation such as yes or no, or okay. I don’t know when last time I have a productive or motherhood conversation with them. My life is not their fault. It is my fault not knowing who I should trust in life. The dagger is always stabbed by someone whom I loved or trusted. I wake up with nightmares and I sleep crying or asking many questions that nobody has an answer to any of my questions. I let people disappointed. I make a distance when somebody trying to reach me.
Who I am angry at? why I am angry? People say, “Okay he is gone so what. Go forward with your life”.
My so-called sister told me once “Why are you crying? He has dumped you that is why”.
No, it does not matter of dumping or gone. there is also a difference between dumping or making somebody to dump. It was a matter of my life. It is a matter of my desires, dreams, and hopes and my love. He is my desire, love, dream, and hope. My love is not some type of trash that he dumped it. Many choices or options come in a person’s life. Everybody chooses those options or choices carefully. He was right that we live in a different part of culture and society where options and choices are made differently.
I fight every day with many questions. Why people make choices when they don’t have any options or vice versa? Why people make a promise when they can’t fulfill it. Why people lie? why they can’t take responsibility for their actions? why people act when they don’t dare to act something. Why do people think their life is more important? Why they don’t hesitate to destroy other’s life? Why we leave home when we have everything at home? Do we look back to see how much we have done the damage? Who will do the aftermath? why we are so selfish?
How somebody could laugh or smile after making somebody cry? How can we hug our children after making somebody an orphan?
Once I have said, “Who should get punish more: a sinner or stringer or the person who allows to make sins or cover somebody’s sins”.
This is the way I spend my time. I am paying for his sins. My life is not mine anymore. My life is taken away from me. I am just breathing. The soul is already dead.
It is very easy to guide somebody, “Oh, try this. You should do this or that”. It is hard to get somebody’s point of view.